Light at the End of the Tunnel
by spottedhorse
Summary: Edith Crawley needed time to think and departed London for Doownton. She met a stranger on a trian and everything changed. Edith, Anthony, O.C. along with others.
1. Chapter 1

Celebrating Andith Fest with the start of a new story. This is the introduction of sorts and a bit short. More to come soon.

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Lady Edith Crawley boarded the train for Downton, gladly leaving London behind. She and her sister, Mary had been staying with their Aunt Rosamund after their parents left for America. GrandMama Levinson had been ill and Lord Grantham took his wife to visit her mother. Edith didn't think much would be exciting at Downton but it had one very large advantage; Mary would not be there and Edith needed time to think.

A visit to her London doctor had confirmed what she had suspected; she was pregnant. Her brief affair with her editor, Michael Gregson, had ended badly with him scurrying off to the continent and quite literally leaving her holding the bag. She had a little time to decide what she should do but she needed some quiet time to consider. Downton with the family away would offer the perfect opportunity.

She had just settled in with a book when her compartment door opened and a woman asked if she might join her. Edith blinked as she took in the features of the other woman. The woman had hair almost the color of Edith's with dark eyes and was built very similarly. Their facial features had the same general look and the likeness was eerie. From her attire, Edith surmised that the woman was moneyed and her demeanor spoke of aristocracy. "It's simply too crowded in my own compartment. The conductor put a family in there and the children are very noisy," the other woman complained.

Edith shrugged inwardly and nodded. "Yes of course," Edith replied.

The woman took the seat across from Edith and seemed to want to talk. "Are you going to York?" she asked.

Edith smiled. "Yes, Downton actually. It is near Ripon."

"Yes, I know where it is. I'm getting off at Ripon…to meet my husband. I've been in London, shopping. I just adore Selfridge's. Have you been to Selfridge's? There seems to always be something exciting happening there, don't you think?"

The woman rattled on and on about shopping and London, barely pausing for breath and apparently oblivious that she had yet to give Edith a chance to reply to anything she had said. Resigned to a boring ride with the woman, Edith settled back into her seat and pretended to pay attention as the countryside passed by their window.

Without warning the train lurched, throwing the women around the car and then screams filled Edith's ears as the train left its rails and tumbled down a steep incline, landing at the bottom as a pile of rubble, steam pouring from the engine. In the tumble the outer door to their compartment had become unlatched and both women were thrown from the car, one hitting a tree and dying instantly. The other landed near the rail car, her body and face so swollen and broken that she was unrecognizable. When the rescuers found the two women sometime later, they couldn't identify them except that the handle of a bag was caught on the body of the dead woman. The contents belonged to Lady Edith Crawley. Both women were sent to York, one to the undertaker and the other to the hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

Such a lovely repsone to the beginning! Many thanks to you all. I've loved reading each and every contribution to the Andith Fest and what a variety too. Anyway, some of you requested a quick update and here it is. I'll add more as I can but probbably not until later in the week. Happy reading.

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The woman woke to the sound of voices of two men. One of the men sounded agitated, almost angry. She tried to open her eyes but they simply wouldn't cooperate. So she just listened.

"I don't understand," the angry one said. "You say she is pregnant. How can that be?"

"It is a miracle that the child survived," a calmer voice said. "But as far as we can tell, the baby is fine. I must caution you that it could all go wrong at any moment however. She is in such a delicate condition, somewhere between life and death."

"But, she can't be," Mr. Angry insisted. "We haven't … What I mean to say is…she and I …we … it's been over a year since we..."

"I'm very sorry," the other man said.

The woman heard footsteps and the quiet. She was just drifting back to sleep when she heard a hiss. "You bitch. I knew you were… that there were others but I thought you were being careful. I don't care except … well, if the child does survive, I'll have nothing to do with it." There was a noise and the woman realized it was a chair, the feet scraping on the floor. "God, how could you let this happen? I gave you your freedom to…to do as you wished and all I asked was that you were careful. I was a fool to expect our marriage would work; a damned fool. If only…" he sighed and grew quiet. The woman slipped into oblivion.

She woke sometime later to the sound of women's voices. "Did you see how he was looking at her…like he wished she had died in that crash?"

"I did. And you know that near her they found Lady Edith Crawley...you remember all the talk a few years back…her getting jilted and all? Then there's all else that has happened to the Crawleys —Lord and Lady Grantham? They lost a daughter not long after and then the heir died about a year after that. And now the second daughter is gone."

"My sister's brother-in-law works on the grounds at Locksley and he says that Sir Anthony has been miserable ever since he married this one. He had such a difficult time after the war, his arm is useless, you know. They all hoped things would get better for him when he showed up married to _her _but apparently it only got worse. She was always off to London, leaving him behind and Davey, my sister's brother-in-law, said Sir Anthony seemed relieved when she left. Davey said Sir Anthony just wasn't the same when Lady Strallan was around; said he was always kind and caring until she came into the picture."

Suddenly the woman felt one of the women near her, touching her. "Nothing's changed here," she said. There was a grunt form the other side of the room. "Maybe its best. Nobody seems happy with her around." Two sets of feet shuffled out of the room and the two voices kept chattering until their sounds faded.

The woman was left alone; she could feel it. Was it her the women had been talking about? Was she that awful? The man that was there before certainly seemed to think so. The woman tried to recall the man's face but couldn't. Why? If they were married, she ought to know what he looks like. She tried to recall other details of her life but there was nothing. Now in a panic she realized she didn't even know her own name. Who was she? Was she this Lady Strallan the woman spoke about? She grew weary trying to recall her name or anything for that matter.

The next time she woke, she could sense light but her eyes still wouldn't open. There was something holding them shut. Painfully she lifted her hand to her face and felt cloth or something that felt like a cloth. Panic set in and she began to try to pull the fabric from her face.

"Oh dear, no…. you mustn't pull at your bandages," a female voice said quickly.

_Bandages? Why were there bandages on her face? What happened? _She let her hand fall back down on the bed. "Wha…." Was all she could manage to say.

"You were in an accident," the bodiless voice said. "The doctors worked for hours to save you and repair your face. We mustn't disturb the bandages or it might undo all they have done for you."

"Acci…?"

"Your train went off the track. You're one of the lucky ones. Several people were killed, including the woman who was in the compartment with you."

"Wommnnn?" She was confused. None of what the voice was telling her meant anything really. She was on a train? Where was she going? She couldn't remember. "Wh…."

"How is our patient today, hmmm?" a male voice asked. She could hear footsteps approaching. "Awake?"

"Yeeee…"

"And talking too! That's wonderful. You're progressing quite nicely," he said. She felt his hand on her, holding her wrist, touching her face over the bandages, touching her other places. "You've been sleeping quite a bit; understandable and good for your recovery."

"Whooo…"

"What's that?"

"Whooo…." She tried to form more words, to ask who she was but the words wouldn't come.

"Your husband was here. I must say, Sir Anthony is quite intense isn't he?"

"Annn…" Who was Sir Anthony?

"I'm sure he'll be around later. He's stopped in everyday since the accident… been quite worried about you. I know you have many questions and I promise we will answer them all in time. But for now, it is best you not strain yourself. More rest is what you need."

"But…I…"

She felt a jab in her arm and almost immediately, she began to relax. Within in minutes she was asleep.

When she woke again, she could feel a presence in the room. She thought how odd it must be, that without vision and all of her knowledge of everything that mattered lost somewhere inside her head, she was able to know when another life shared her space. "Whoo…" It made her uncomfortable not knowing who was in the room with her and with her eyes bandaged, the other person had no way of knowing she was awake unless she spoke, she thought.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be here," as soft, tear laden voice said quietly.

"Who… are…."

"I'm Cora Crawley…. My daughter, Edith was in the rail car with you when it left the tracks."

"Mmmmmm…." She had heard others talking about it but since she had no memory of the train, she had no memory of this Edith either. Foggily, she wondered why this woman was here.

"I know it is intrusive and I do apologize but… I just thought, hoped really, that you might…" There was a small sob before the woman continued. "I hoped you might be able to tell me … what I mean to say is that …well, you were with Edith at the last and I hoped…"

The woman thought the other woman, Cora Crawley, sounded heartbroken. Despite her own misery, she wanted to do something to help the bereaved mother. She just didn't know how she could. "I… dom…t …member…" she struggled to say. "Nuffin…"

"But…" she distraught woman cried.

"Cora," a soft male voice spoke softly from farther away. Footsteps crossed the room and then sounding closer, he spoke again. "Darling, this won't help either you or Lady Strallan. Please, let's leave her to rest."

The other woman sighed. "I know. I just…hoped…."

"Yes my dear. I know. But our Edith is gone and this woman can't help with that. Let me take you home now, please."

A scrape of a chair and then footsteps sounded in the room. "Mmmm…s..ry." the bandaged woman moaned toward the sounds but evidently the couple was already gone. There was no answer.

The woman visitor, Core Crawley, had upset her. She wanted to tell the woman …something. But she couldn't remember Cora's daughter or the accident. How could she help Cora Crawley, she wondered.

She wished she could see. Everything seemed so bleak lying here in the darkness. It almost made her wish the Cora woman would come back. At least it was a voice. She didn't think anyone could ever feel more alone than she did now. The time alone left her to wonder more about who she was and who were these other people, and who was Sir Anthony?

She tried to remember anything about her life but there was simply nothing before she woke up in the hospital. She remembered voiced talking about Sir Anthony, saying he is her husband. They said she was pregnant too, so she must be married, she thought.

She began to wonder what he was like. Vaguely she remembered his voice from that first day; he was so very angry. Was he like that all the time? What if he was? Were they happy together? It didn't sound as if they were…he said something about there being others. So was this even his baby? Surely it was.

She felt an itch on her arm and tried to reach it with her other hand but it was encumbered, the whole arm was. Using her free hand, she began to feel around her body. There were several places that were sore and covered with bandages. She reached to touch her legs and discovered that while there were bandages on her left leg, the right one was splinted and wrapped. How much of her was broken, she wondered. They must be giving her something for the pain, she surmised, otherwise she would be in agony with the amount of her body that was injured. Once again she tried to remember and once again, she couldn't. Finally she drifted back into oblivion.


	3. Chapter 3

There were footsteps and the sound of the chair scraping the floor. "Who…who is there?" she asked hoarsely, still groggy from her nap.

"It is only me," a voice replied.

Was this Anthony? His voice sounded pleasant enough. "A…Anthony?"

"Yes?"

"Oh, I just…" she sighed, "I wasn't certain it was you."

"I'm relieved to see you awake," he commented flatly.

"Yes, I heard that you have been by everyday. I...I'm sorry to be such a bother."

She heard an intake of breath. "You…you don't sound like your usual acerbic self."

"I'm too tired, hurt too much to be…that way." His grunt of acknowledgement was laden with surprise. She thought for a moment about that. He didn't sound like the man she'd heard when she first woke under all the bandages. But he didn't sound happy either. "Was I…am I…really that awful?" she finally asked nervously.

She heard movement from him but she wasn't certain exactly how he moved. A few footsteps gave him away; he was pacing. "Why are you doing this? If you think it will change things…"

"No, I…"

"Good, because I won't have anything to do with your… your ….bas…baby. I've already spoken to my solicitor. He is drawing up papers. You'll have a tidy sum and a house to live in. You can choose any place you want to live, except here in England. I won't have everyone thinking I've abandoned my child, but I won't raise this one as mine either. You can go anywhere you wish and keep your child but you will not raise it as if it is mine."

"But… I don't know where to go…" she said mournfully.

"You'll think of something, I'm sure. There are no limits to your creativity," he said sarcastically.

"But I…I don't remember anything."

His laugh was low and somewhat sinister. "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"Believe me or not; it is the truth. I don't remember anything, not even who I am." She paused and had an inspiration. "Just who am I anyway."

"Do you really think I am going to play this game with you, Helen?"

"I'm not playing a game!" she insisted. Tears began to well behind her eyelids and seeped out to be soaked up by the bandages. Not wanting him to know how upset she was, she fought the sobs that threatened. Was she really that horrible to him that he didn't trust her at all, that he _hated_ her that much? Accepting that she was and he did, her emotions overflowed and the sobs poured out of her.

She heard him walking out of the room and assumed he was leaving. Wasn't it what she deserved if she was really that unpleasant a wife? The tears continued to fall as she sank into her misery.

More footsteps care her way. "Lady Strallan? You really must stop crying," her nurse told her. She felt cold hands at her face, patting the bandages. "This dressing will have to be changed," the nurse muttered. She left to get more bandages.

"Helen, please…I didn't mean to upset you," Anthony said abruptly. Then in a softer voice, "Please, try not to cry. I…I'm sorry I upset you."

"But I am so horrible! I must be," she sobbed. "You hate me… I just don't know what I did…I don't know, don't remember anything."

She felt his hand on her arm, tentatively touching her in a tender fashion. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I thought…well, it doesn't matter what I thought. Obviously I was wrong."

Sniffling, she shook her head. "If I am so horrible why are you even here?"

"Because we are married, you are still my wife. And…" he sighed, "and because when I was hurting desperately you were there for me."

"What? How? You were hurt? What did I do for you?" Her tears were forgotten as she honed in on this aspect of their relationship. Maybe she would finally learn something.

The nurse chose that moment to reappear. "The doctor is on his way. Since we must change the dressings, he wants to have a look to see how you are healing underneath."

"What …what is wrong with my face?" she asked nervously.

"You were tossed around quite a bit, Helen. They told me that several bones were broken in your face, along with your left arm and leg. And of course, there were quite a few cuts and bruises."

"Will there be…scars?"

"Probably," the nurse replied. "But the doctor who repaired your face is very good at minimizing all that. He has quite a reputation actually."

"But if bones were broken…"

"Let's give it a chance, Helen, before you expect the worst. I checked into the man's reputation myself and he is quite good," Anthony interrupted.

"Which bones…not my mouth or I couldn't speak."

"No more around your eyes, this is why they've been bandaged up all this time."

"Oh." She sank back into her pillow. Her eyes… would that mean they wouldn't work properly? Would she look very different? Did it matter since she didn't have a clue as to her looks before?

Footsteps sounded from across the room and then a very gentle voice spoke. "What's this I hear about you crying and soaking your bandages, Lady Strallan?"

"I…I was…upset," she said carefully.

"Yes, well….it is probably time to change them in any case. Now, let's see how we are doing." She felt hands at her face and slowly things became lighter. The hands paused. "You'll want to keep your eyes closed. The light will be painful," the kind voice instructed and the hands began to circle her head again.

She kept her eyes closed, fighting the temptation to open them. She wanted to see what everyone looked like, Anthony especially. But she was also afraid to see their reactions to her face, his particularly.

She heard him gasp when the last of the gauze came off. Was it really that bad? She must look hideous she assumed and with that thought tears began to trickle from underneath her lids.

"Lady Strallan, you mustn't cry. Everything is healing quite nicely," the voice told her.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"Slowly. And if you feel any pain, shut them tight."

She nodded and slowly began to let her eyelids drift open. Just in front of her was a rather fuzzy man with grey hair and whiskers on his face. He had kind eyes though as he studied her face. Just beyond him, she could see a woman; the nurse she surmised. Over the kind man's shoulder she finally located another man. _That must be Anthony…_ He was staring at her, his mouth set firmly in a straight line, and his eyes watery. _It must be bad…_

"Alright, we need to get a fresh wrap over these stitches or you could get an infection," the surgeon said finally. "Close your eyes again so I can cover them."

She did as instructed, keeping her eyes on Anthony until the last moment when she had to close them again. He looked… discomforted.

Once the doctor had finished and he and the nurse left, she spoke very softly. "Do…do I look that…terrible?"

"No," came his dispassionate response. "Other than the discoloration around the area, things look better than I expected actually."

"But you…you seemed…"

"It's just that for an instant, when the bandage first came off…well, I was reminded of..someone else."

"Who?"

"Someone I knew a long time ago, in a different life."

"Is that why you married me…because I reminded you of her?" She wasn't sure she wanted to know but as there seemed to be some rift between them, she wanted to understand why.

"Possibly… I don't know. I think I was attracted to you at first because of the resemblance. But after I spent time with you I realized you are not alike at all."

"She…she's nicer than I am," she stated flatly.

"Yes, she is. Far less selfish."

She sighed. "Am I really that selfish? Am I that ghastly?"

"When I first met you I thought not." He was quiet for a moment. "Perhaps it is in part my fault…the state of our marriage. At first you tried; I could see that you did. I should have never married you and I knew it. There was too much… "

"What? Were you still in love with her…the one I reminded you of?"

"Yes, but… I chose to walk away from her so I had no right to be. But that wasn't all of it. You really don't remember, do you? "

"None of it. I'm a complete blank slate."

"I was shell shocked from the war. The doctors thought I was doing well enough to send me home and for a while I managed well enough. But when…when I was to be married… the stress was too much. I started having nightmares again and…episodes. So I called it off, rather last minute… When I didn't get better, I went back to the hospital in Devon. That's where we met. You were volunteering there, helping with some of the long term patients. Your husband had been killed during the war and you said you were helping for his sake."

"Why was getting married so stressful?"

"I'm much older; it wasn't proper, you see and… and there's my arm."

"Your arm?"

"Yes, I was wounded..took a bullet in the shoulder during the war. The wound was in a bad place and at an odd angle and the nerves and muscle were destroyed. It is useless really. So you see, I wasn't a good match…for her anyway. But she had this notion that she would look after me… she loved me _because_ of my injury, she said."

"But you married me?"

"Yes… you were widowed, older than she, and had some experience with my … difficulties. And you said you cared for me. It wasn't a love match but we did have some common interests and I thought we might make a go of it."

"But we didn't…" she said sadly.

"No."

She couldn't remember any of it yet it depressed her to hear his explanation. He had apparently entered the marriage with hopes for contentment at least. "What went wrong?"

"At first we were alright. But after a few months you grew restless. You left for days, first going to York and then later you went to London. Quite by accident I learned that you were… you…"

"I was meeting other men."

"Yes. How did you know?"

"You told me…the first day when I woke up."

"Oh, right…"

"You said you knew there were others; did you not care enough to be angry or make me stop. Did our marriage mean so little that you just turned your back on it?"

"I was angry at first, but then I realized I had no right to be. It wasn't as if… what I mean to sayis that after the honeymoon we really didn't…weren't … together."

"Why not?" She paused and realized her question was very open. "I mean, when I saw you earlier I thought… well, you are a very nice looking man. Am I not attractive.. or at least wasn't I before the accident?"

"You are…were. But one night, after we…well, after …ermmm…we'd been together, I fell asleep in your bed. You woke me later and were very angry. It seemed I'd been dreaming of…of her and called out her name. That night was the last civil conversation we had and we not only slept in separate rooms but in separate wings of the house. We had a terrible argument and you said some…things. I haven't wanted to be near you since."

She couldn't imagine what she might have said and she knew by his tone that she shouldn't ask. "So I am that horrible."

"As I said, it isn't really all your fault. And while I generally consider myself a gentleman, I haven't behaved toward you in that way since that night."

"I think I am glad I don't remember," she said after a moment.

"Perhaps…" he conceded softly.


	4. Chapter 4

I really appreciate everyone's support with this story. I just love reading your comments! Looking forward to more from all the other great Andith writers too. I love reading them.

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The days passed slowly for her, Lady Heleln Strallan. She was learning to feel comfortable in her name. Anthony came by everyday and spent a few hours. They talked and sometimes he brought books which he read to her. Slowly the tension between them began to loosen and she started to feel connected to this man.

He really was a gentle man, she mused one late night. When he was calm and relaxed, he had a wonderful voice, one that comforted her. He never laughed loudly, but he did laugh. She would hear the low rumblings in his chest whenever he read an amusing passage in a book or if she told him some of the antics of a patient on the ward with her.

Slowly he began to talk of more personal things, his first marriage, his life at Locksley and touched on some of his war experiences. He told her more of the story of their meeting, his months in the hospital and the extra time she would take with him. She knew he remembered that time fondly because she could hear it in his voice. And as she listened to him, she slowly fell in love with her husband. Having no sense of time, she didn't realize that as the days passed, he was spending more and more time with her.

The pain slowly subsided until it was no longer a constant presence. And then the day came that the doctor removed the bandages over her eyes for the last time. She knew the routine by now, keeping her eyes closed until given permission to open them. The light was always blinding at first but as her eyes adjusted she was rewarded with the sight of Anthony as he watched with interest.

There was no grimace or gasp from him this time, just a small awkward smile… and his eyes; his gentle, sweet, inquiring eyes.

"I'm pleased with the outcome," the doctor said as he admired his handiwork. "I hope you will be too. You'll have a few tiny scars but they will fade in time. In the meantime, the skin will be very sensitive, so you must be careful."

"Yes, thank you doctor…" she said nervously.

He moved away, spoke softly to the nurse, and then left. The nurse made an adjustment to the shades in the room and followed him out, leaving Helen alone with Anthony. "Do I look…alright?"

Anthony's eyes softened. "You look amazing. The doctor really did do a fine job. There's still some puffiness and the skin isn't the right color yet but in time I don't think anyone will know there was ever a problem." He studied her face a little more, tilting his head. "There is something just a little different though…"

She watched as he got a far away look in his eye and she wondered if he was thinking about _her_… the one he really wanted as his wife.

The next few days were agony for her as her caretakers worked to help her learn to move again. After so much time in the bed, she was weak and the slightest effort made her dizzy. But even with an arm and leg splinted and wrapped, she made progress.

One afternoon, as she was making her way around the ward with the aid of her nurse, Anthony appeared looking a bit shaken. Once the nurse settled her back in her bed, Helen cautiously asked, "What is the matter? You look … upset."

Anthony tried to sit next to the bed but couldn't seem to remain still. "Oh nothing really…"

"Please Anthony, I thought we were at least learning to be …friends."

He looked at her thoughtfully, almost warily, but seeing no deception there decided to confide in her. "I um… quite by accident met up with..with her family."

"The woman you loved?"

"Yes."

"It was the other woman in the rail car with me wasn't it…Lady Edith Crawley?"

Taken aback, he stared at her for a moment. "How did you know?"

"It wasn't hard to put together. I've been told by so many people that I look like her and..well, some things you said. I've also heard they lost a younger daughter some time ago and also the heir. Seems that family has had more than its share of tragedy."

"Yes, they have. And I've tried to avoid them…didn't want to add to the pain. I did send a note around with each death; the one for Edith's was especially difficult to write. But this morning I was in the village and came face to face with them, Lord and Lady Grantham. They look …terrible, haunted even; especially Lady Grantham."

"She came to see me…"

"What? When?"

"In the beginning. I only have the vaguest memory of it. She wanted to know about her daughter's last moments. But of course, I couldn't tell her anything. She sounded so sad…"

"Yes, well… they've lost so much in such a short period of time."

"The meeting was awkward, I suppose?"

"Yes, very. Robert, Lord Grantham, seemed to have it in his head that if I hadn't…done what I did… he seemed to believe Edith would still be…alive." He almost choked on the words. "He said it crushed her to hear that I had married again after…after what I did."

"Oh," she replied, feeling a bit discomfited herself.

"I tried…wanted to explain that … that not marrying their daughter had nearly done me in; that your care was the only thing that saved me." He sighed. "But I couldn't get the words out. They both just looked so…broken. I couldn't…I mean, if Robert yelling at me and blaming me helps him in some way… I suppose I can bear it."

She looked at him flabbergasted. "You said nothing in your defense? You didn't try to explain why you did it?"

"No," he replied grimly as he finally settled in his chair. "They've lost their second child. I suppose they need to blame someone."

"You are a remarkable man, Anthony."

Now it was his turn to be shocked. "Don't mock me, Helen."

"I'm not, I mean it. I don't know of anyone who would do what you did." Then she paused and let out a mordant laugh. "Of course, since I have no memory, I don't know anyone so maybe it isn't all that extraordinary after all." She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened. "I just feel so…lost."

He looked at her oddly. "When I was in hospital the first time there was chap who had lost his memory. Didn't remember a thing; just like you. Shell shocked. He'd been there since '17. Occasionally people would come who had a missing son to see him. There was always so much hope on all sides and always so much disappointment. Finally, he snuck out one night. Caused a terrible upset amongst the staff. It was like he disappeared into thin air. The doctor worried about him since he had no identity but since he was never found, we all assumed he'd made his way somehow. Who knows, maybe he'd finally remembered something. What I'm trying to say is that you are remembered by others. I can tell you things about your life and if you have questions I can't answer, your brother is still around. I have his address somewhere. You could write."

"A brother? Has he been to see me? I don't remember…"

Anthony shook his head. "He's Royal Navy, been at sea for some time. I've written him telling of your accident but haven't received a reply. Last we'd heard from him his ship was headed for Australia."

"Oh." She felt disappointed but there was something more, something disquieting about the mention of a brother.

"My point is Helen that you aren't as lost as that poor devil in hospital. You do have a family, albeit a small one and you are cared for."

She sighed. "I know. And I do appreciate your…support; especially in light of my…situation."

"I…I've been thinking about that. I was a bit harsh, I believe, when I first heard that you…that there's a baby." He picked at imaginary lint on his trousers as he fidgeted through his words. "I … I don't want you to leave. The baby…we'll say it is mine. You can't remember the father anyway so… And we'll try and work on our marriage, make it more… comfortable for the both of us. If...if you agree that is."

She stared at him wide eyed. "You would raise my baby as your own? What if it is a boy?"

"Yes, well… since I have no children and my only nephew was killed in the war, the title was going to die with me anyway. So it really doesn't matter, does it?"

"But… you were so adamant."

"I was angry… and my pride was hurt." He blushed slightly, causing his cheeks to flush. "I …I had no right to… to judge you after… after what I did."

"You had every right, Anthony. I am your wife and shouldn't have reacted the way I did and you can't help loving someone else or what happens when you are asleep. I do want us to be …more comfortable together. And I would like to accept your offer for… for all of it. I also understand that you don't love me, that you may never love me. But perhaps we can be friends?"

"Yes…yes, that would be… agreeable," he grinned, relief evident in his face.

They talked awhile longer about general things, having settled what was between them. Finally Anthony commented that she looked tired and he should leave. "Please don't …at least, not yet. I…I'm enjoying your company," she explained.

He looked startled by her admission. He blinked and his mouth opened as if he wanted to speak. Then his eyes slowly rolled before looking down. He looked disturbed.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly as she realized that he was upset."I shouldn't have asked."

"No, no it's quite alright. It's just…for an instant you… you looked like Edith. I mean, really looked exactly like Edith, your expression…the way you looked at me. I… I've never felt that before with you... not before the accident anyway. You looked similar but there were always differences but just now…"

"Oh Anthony, you really do love her, don't you?"

Letting out a long sigh, he nodded. "With my whole heart. I know I have it the wrong way around but she quite literally swept me off my feet." His mouth broke into a crooked grin as his eyes crinkled with the smile. "She was a force… barging into my library and telling me I was not to push her away any longer. And then, she just made everyone fall into line. Her father tried to send me packing but she would put a stop to it. She wrapped me around her finger and took my heart and held it in her hands. Honestly, she still has it. I'm sorry Helen," he said as he looked at her apologetically. "It isn't fair to you and I know it but I will love her with my last breath."

His words hurt. She knew he loved Edith but to hear him describe it, to hear him say she still had his heart and would forever, it hurt. But she found herself admiring him even more and wanting to be loved in that way. As she watched the agony in his expression, she knew she would not get that from him. But perhaps he could come to love her in some way? She knew she loved him. Had she loved him before but been hurt by his captivation with Edith? Was that why she … behaved as she had?


	5. Chapter 5

Anthony's daily visits continued in friendly tones. With each one, she fell more and more in love with the man. He was innately gentle and had a wry sense of humor that appealed to her. His wit was very dry, so much that many people didn't understand it. He was also well read and had taken to reading to her for part of their visits. She loved the sound of his voice, and enjoyed watching him as he became engrossed in whatever he was reading. Sometimes they discussed the books and in those exchanges she discovered his sharp mind. It seemed the man had no limit to his interests, knowledgeable on all varieties of topics. As they talked, she was discovering that she also seemed to have a large knowledge base and recalled details on a variety of subjects.

It was in the middle of one of those discussions that he suddenly stopped speaking and looked at her askance. "I never realized you had an interest in mechanization."

She blinked and looked away. "I….I didn't either. I'm not sure how I knew that the Wallis is produced by Ruston & Hornsby of Lincoln under license from J.I. Case Plow Works in America." Then looking back she asked, "Could I have learned it at your estate?"

"You never seemed interested in the farms. I don't recall you ever venturing out to any of them."

"Perhaps I overheard you speak of it then," she suggested. Still, he looked at her curiously and seemed nervous for the rest of the visit.

That night she had an odd dream. She was on a tractor and it was pulling on something. When she woke, she couldn't recall much about the dream but she did remember sitting atop the tractor and _driving_ it.

The next day was a difficult one for her. The doctor insisted she should be out of bed more and her once a round the ward turned into twice. But it was her mind that troubled her the most. Images kept popping into it, images of her past life perhaps? She couldn't quite grasp who the other people were or what her role in the scenes might be, but she suspected her memory was trying to come back.

That afternoon when Anthony came, she asked him to tell her more about their life together when they had been somewhat happy.

He sighed and looked at her worriedly. "Alright, if you think it is desirable," he finally acquiesced. "We were married after I was released from hospital. It was a civil ceremony; neither of us wanted a big affair. Then we left for a month long honeymoon on the Continent, mostly to France and Italy. It seemed we were growing closer, had interests in common… art, literature, and together developed appreciation for the new American music, jazz." He paused and looked at her questionably. "Are you certain you want to hear all this?"

"Oh I do; I really, really do," she replied quickly.

Anthony gasped. "My god…" Instantly he was out of his chair, staring at her as if he was looking at a ghost.

"What is it, Anthony? What have I said?"

He swallowed, shook his head as if he were shaking off a bad dream, and then took a deep breath. "Ah… I can't….I can't do this… Not now anyway. You …just then… it was…" He looked around anxiously. "I have to go. I'm sorry, but I have to go now." And he disappeared through the door.

His rapid departure stunned her and left her bewildered. She reviewed the conversation in her mind and couldn't understand what she had said that had upset him so. Various emotions ripped through her, disappointment, frustration, anger, and finally despair.

Dreams came to her again that night. She was in a room with other people and they all seemed friendly. Most were smiling and some were even laughing. Anthony was there with another woman who seemed a bit older than he. She was talking with them and the older woman smiled, looking back and forth between Anthony and her. He looked at her shyly but his eyes were bright and dancing, indicating his interest in what she was saying. The older woman said something and Anthony replied, his voice sounding a bit uncomfortable. And she said, "I do, I really do…"

She woke with a startle. That was it, what she'd said when he was there earlier. But why had it upset him so? He hadn't seemed upset in the dream. Was it a dream or was it a memory of something between them? She couldn't decide. But as she thought about it, she realized it was an odd thing to dream if it wasn't some sort of memory. Was her memory coming back?

That thought made her hesitate. Did she want that really? Some of her behavior as described by Anthony sounded cruel and she wasn't certain she wanted to remember that person. On the other hand, she did want to remember more about Anthony. The rest of the night was spent in restless slumber as her mind spun and turned.

Her doctor stopped in the next morning. "You look tired, Lady Strallan. Did you not sleep well?"

"I kept having these dreams," she replied. "I think… could they be my memory coming back?"

The doctor nodded. "Anything is possible. We know so little about these things. Can you remember what they were about?"

She shook her head. "No, not really. But I remember my husband being there."

"Well then, perhaps your memory is trying to surface. I'd advise you to simply let it happen. Don't try to force it."

"Why? Would that do? Would it bury the memories deeper?"

"I honestly don't know what effect it would have on your memory. But I do know that stress is not good for you or your baby."

"Oh…yes, right. Alright then, I'll try to be patient and let it come back to me slowly."

The doctor looked at her appraisingly. "I think you are ready to leave us, Lady Strallan. I've spoken to Dr. Clarkson and he has a bed available for you at the village hospital. You'll have your own room there. He'll watch over you for a few more days and when you are strong enough, he'll send you home."

"A few days?"

"Yes, I should think no more than a week in hospital there and then home you go."

She sighed, a frown furrowing her forehead. "I wish I could remember home."

"You'll make new memories there soon enough," he said with a smile.

She spent the rest of the morning contemplating just that. After yesterday, would Anthony be as willing to let her return to Locksley? And if she did, could they find something akin to happiness? She hoped so, she thought with a smile. She was becoming quite dependent on Anthony's presence and she found she rather liked it.

He appeared just as she was finishing her lunch. "You look like you didn't sleep any better than I did," she commented hen she spied the dark circles under his eyes.

"No, not a good night at all," he replied. "I want to apologize for my abrupt departure yesterday. I…something you said took me back to …" he sighed. "It reminded me of something Edith once said."

"It did surprise me at first," she replied. "But after I gave it some thought, I realized it must have been something like that."

Yes, well… I am sorry. I'm sure it upset you."

"It did, Anthony. I wish you had explained but I think I understand."

A crooked smile quirked at the corner of his mouth and another image flashed into her mind. It was Anthony, his mouth set in a similar smile and his blue eyes clear and full of mirth as he looked at her. She blinked and her vision of the present returned, Anthony looking at her slightly perplexed.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I…I think my memory is trying to come back."

"Oh. That sounds…splendid," he said unconvincingly.

She looked at his wary expression and wondered if he was as nervous about her memory returning as she was.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day saw her move from the hospital in York to the one in Downton. The journey was both exciting and tiring. Her doctor insisted that she be moved by ambulance and the ride was rough, finding every bump in the road along the way, it seemed. Anthony was there to meet her along with Dr. Clarkson.

Once she was settled in her room, the doctor examined her briefly and concluded she had done well on the trip. "I imagine you'll want to rest," he commented as he looked at her thoughtfully. Then glancing at Anthony, there was a puzzled look on the man's face. Anthony was unmindful however, as he was watching her.

Anthony stayed with her a few minutes, seemingly happy that she was closer to home. Finally he sighed. "I'll go now and let you rest. But I'll come back for tea, if that is alright?"

"Yes, I'd like that," she replied, suddenly feeling happier.

She napped and awoke for lunch. Afterwards an older woman came in, one who seemed familiar. "I'm Mrs. Crawley," she said. "Dr. Clarkson asked me to look in on you and see how you are holding up."

"I'm feeling better now that I've rested," she replied.

The other woman looked at her oddly, as if she were studying her. "That's good. I'm sure you will be ready to go home in no time," she said absently.

"Crawley? That is the last name of the woman who was on the train with me…"

"Yes, Edith; a cousin by marriage and my son was married to her sister. His son, my grandson, is the future Earl of Grantham."

"You said 'was'?"

"Yes. Matthew died quite unexpectedly. The family has been through so much in recent years. Losing Edith was… heartbreaking."

"But for you, your son was the worst," she said rather than asked.

"Yes; as I said, he was my son."

"I'm going to have a baby," she confided, although she couldn't understand why. There was just something about this woman that she trusted.

"Yes, Dr. Clarkson mentioned it. It is a miracle that you didn't lose the baby in the accident."

"That's what I've been told. And I still could, they say. Things are so… confusing. But I think I am happy about it."

"Yes, I understand you have no memory from before. I can imagine it would be very confusing."

"Did…did you know me before?"

"No. After he jilted Edith Sir Anthony was persona non grata and I hadn't seen him since that day until today. Cora, that is Lady Grantham, told me he seemed quite upset over Edith's death. Lord Grantham gave him quite a tongue lashing I understand, and he simply nodded politely and agreed with Robert…Lord Grantham. That is so like Sir Anthony. I always liked him, except for what he did to Edith, of course."

"People say… they say I look like her…"

"My dear, the resemblance is remarkable. If I didn't know differently, I would think I am speaking with her now. Except the voice is different. But I've been told that your throat was injured in the accident and has changed. But even your eyes are like hers."

"Anthony told me that we did look alike but that there were differences. And the bones around my eyes were broken and repaired, so my face has changed a bit. But he says there were differences before. I'm older, for one."

"You don't look older," the woman commented.

"I know this must be awkward for you, even a bit…raw. I'm sorry."

"It's quite alright, my dear. We must continue on…"

"Thank you… for your kindness."

Isobel Crawley smiled and patted her shoulder. "Think nothing of it."

Anthony came for tea as he'd promised. "Dr. Clarkson reports that you had a nice rest and a visit from Mrs. Crawley," he said as a way of making conversation.

"Yes. She seems rather nice."

"She was always very kind to me…until…."

"Yes, she spoke kindly of you."

"She did?" he asked, surprise apparent in his features. "I would have thought she'd be angry with me like the others."

"It seems Lady Grantham isn't as angry as you might think. Mrs. Crawley mentioned that Lady Grantham said you seemed very upset over Lady Edith's death. I think she … perhaps she feels a little sorry for you."

Anthony straightened up in his chair, his expression sharp and almost angry. "I don't want her pity; I don't deserve it. Not after what I did to her daughter."

"Anthony, all I'm saying is that she seems to understand that you are grieving too."

He stared at her, his face the picture of puzzlement. Looking away, he shook his head slightly as if denying something.

She watched him, unsure of what he was thinking or feeling. He seemed so far away to her, especially after the closeness that had grown between them in recent days. "Anthony, it's alright…that you are grieving, I mean. I understand. She was…she was important to you, perhaps the most important person ever in your life."

"I loved her," he whispered miserably.

"Yes, you loved her. I know that. And you are hurting; I understand that as well. I've been thinking about what comes next for you, for me and for this baby. You said you are willing to take it on as yours. Are you willing to take me on too… take me into your heart? Oh I know, I'll never occupy the place that she did…still does. But perhaps …maybe there is enough room left in your heart for me… just a little?"

Anthony took a deep breath, straightening his posture and turning his head slightly askew, his piercing blue eyes studied her face. "You seem to be suggesting a real marriage. Is that what you want, really? Because you didn't seem to want that before," he accused.

"Could we make a fresh start? I mean, I know it won't be entirely fresh, with the baby and all but… I thought…hoped really that…"

His face settled into a more gentle expression, his eyes sparkling as he looked at her guardedly. "A fresh start? I can't promise anything, Helen; nothing beyond companionship, that is. We can try but I can't promise what I believe you are asking for."

"You…don't trust me…"

His head seemed to bob an acknowledgement as he considered his response. "Not entirely, no. Also, I don't think…I mean to say, those feelings…I'm not certain I am capable of them any longer. I'm no longer angry and I do think we've been getting along quite well but I must tell you that I don't feel anything beyond…friendship perhaps."

She watched as he glanced away nervously. There was something more there, in his expression but she couldn't discern what it was. "Friendship is a good new beginning, don't you think?"

"As long as you understand it will probably never be more," he replied uncomfortable.

Dr. Clarkson watched her progress carefully but it wasn't until he did a routine check on the baby that he became distraught. But he wasn't certain, as he'd never treated Lady Strallan before now. Still… something was not quite right. He kept his suspicions to himself however, until he could be sure.

Noticing the odd expression on the doctor's face after the examination, she asked if the baby was alright.

"Yes, Lady Srallan," Dr. Clarkson assured her. "Quite alright. It's just… "

"What doctor?"

"Oh just… sometimes it surprises me how very like Lady Edith you are. It is uncanny at times."

"Oh," she sighed. "I… I don't quite know what to do with that. In a way, I wish I was her. With no memory of my life before the accident, being here surrounded by people who really know me might be a comfort. As it is, Anthony is the only one and while he tries to help me it isn't enough. I do wish I could remember."

"I'm sure you do," he replied. "And your memory may come back. In any case, you have the wee one to look forward to and Sir Anthony tells me that he is looking forward to fatherhood as well."

"He said that?" she asked, surprised.

"Yes, just the other day. He's quite concerned about you, you know. I suppose it's to be expected after the first Lady Strallan."

"To be expected? But why?"

"She died in childbirth. I thought…well, perhaps he thought it best not to tell you considering everything that has happened. It was quite tragic really. She died as the babe was being born and the boy died a few hours later. I thought he might follow them."

A lump formed in her throat. "He never said anything."

"No, he wouldn't. Sir Anthony is one of the most unassuming people I've ever met. He would want you to concentrate on healing and not burden you with his … fear."

"Fear? He's afraid… for me?"

"I've said too much already. But yes, he is concerned. And he is looking forward to a child. He's waited all of his life for it really."

Her thoughts were jumbled and she barely acknowledged Dr. Clarkson's departure. Anthony was looking forward to the baby that he'd originally said he would have nothing to do with? What had brought about such a drastic change? She'd thought that their bargain was simply that; he'd claim the child as his but not really have much to do with it beyond the obvious. And they'd have a companionable marriage even if it wasn't a loving one. But he was afraid for her and her baby…

* * *

I really appreciate everyone's kind remarks from the last chapter. Things are a bit hectic in real life right now, so I haven't been able to respond individually so I hope you will accept this collective thank you. I will try to get another chapter up later this week but I'm not sure I will be able to get to it. I hope you'll be patient. Hopefully things will have settled down in a couple of weeks and I'll have more time to write again. In the meantime... Sail On!


	7. Chapter 7

Looking ahead at my week, I know I will not have time to post again until sometime later next week. Consequently, I hammered through this chapter to get it posted before things go haywire tomorrow. If there are glaring errors, I apologize but time is psuhing me here. I thought posting something with a flaw or two might be better than not posting anything. I do hope you enjoy. Please leave a note and let me know what you think. I'll be peeking this week to see your comments. It'll keep me motivated to jump back in asap.

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She continued to gain her strength. She also continued to have her dreams at night, dreams of people she didn't know except for Anthony and now, Isobel Crawley. The dreams were a mystery to her until the last night of the week, the night before she was to leave the hospital and go home, to Locksley.

_She felt so happy, so beautiful and so happy. She thought her face might break from all the smiling. There were pictures with other women and then a man, her father perhaps, was chiding them all, implying that they were more than fashionably late. _

_She walked on his arm, her father's, past all the people…so many faces who seemed to know her and she seemed to know them. And then at the end of the walk, he was there…Anthony. _

_He called her sweet one. And then he broke her heart as he said he couldn't do it. He called her his dearest darling as he bade her good-bye, wishing her happiness, and then bolting down the aisle, leaving her confused and heartbroken._

She awoke crying. It all came flooding back to her, her family, Anthony, Michael, all of it. She was Lady Edith Crawley, not Lady Helen Strallan. As she lay there in her bed the rest of the night, she considered what she should do now. Michael was gone but she was pregnant with his baby. Anthony was here, ready to help her, accept the baby as his own. Except it was Helen he was willing to help, not Edith. Should she tell him that she remembered that she was not his wife?

Of course she should, she argued to herself. It wouldn't be right to keep it from him. But then she thought of her family. How would they accept her, pregnant and unmarried? Would they be happy that she was alive after all and overlook her transgression or would her transgression dampen their joy? Did she really want to face them?

Finally, somewhere in the small hours of the morning she decided to wait. She would give herself time to consider her options, time to decide if she wanted to be Edith or make a new start as Helen. Perhaps she and Anthony could be happy eventually; perhaps even have the kind of marriage she had envisioned for them years before. But that would mean living with the cloud of discovery over her head. Could she do that?

With a sigh, she realized that she probably couldn't. Still, she didn't have to say anything just now. She could wait. And in the meantime, she could be with Anthony; she would be happy, at least for a little while. And so she turned her mind away from her worries and dark thoughts and dreamed of her life with Anthony and the baby that should have been his.

Anthony arrived mid morning to take her home. Now that she knew, now that she remembered, it was much more difficult to be with him. She felt she needed to guard every word. But she was determined to have more time with him before she revealed her truth.

As the car pulled in front of Locksley, Anthony looked at her bashfully. "I wasn't certain about …our arrangements. But I thought, at least for now at least, I thought it would be good if I moved back into my old room, adjoining yours… in case you should need anything, in the night."

He sighed nervously, his face taking on an expression she recognized from before. Anthony was worried. "Is there something I don't know…something you and the doctor didn't tell me?" she asked.

His eyes widened briefly. And then he looked away trying to deflect her question. Finally he turned back to her. "No. There is nothing. I just… I worry. You've been through so much and the baby… if anything were to happen in the night…"

"Then perhaps you should stay in my room with me," she suggested lightly.

He blanched. "In…in your room? What are you up to, Helen?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. I just… you're the only one who … who I can count on. I know if I need anything you will take care of me and my baby."

Anthony swallowed visibly. "I'm glad that you feel that way, my dear. I want you to depend on me when you need it."

_My dear_…he called her _my dear_. It was a long way from dearest darling or sweet one but…no, she mustn't think that way. He thought he was speaking to Helen. My dear was as friendly as it was going to be. Still, she couldn't help the small flame of hope that burned within her as she looked up into his sapphire eyes. He was returning her gaze with a kind expression, but that was all that was there. He truly didn't love Helen and never would. Her heart sank like a stone.

Her room was beautiful but completely unlike anything Edith Crawley would want. But apparently Helen had liked it so Edith took a deep breath and resolved to ignore the décor. Of more interest to her was the door that connected her room to his. She hoped it would be well used.

Once he was sure she was settled, Anthony left her to rest. "I'll see you for tea," he said softly, his mouth quirking in that wonderfully crooked smile that she had loved for so many years. And then he disappeared through the door. Edith sighed as she looked around the room once again. Shedding her outer clothing, she admitted to herself that she was tired and slipped between the covers of her bed, of Helen's bed, to nap.

Tea with Anthony was quiet. At first she thought he must be preoccupied with something and she asked a few pointed questions to determine if her theory was correct. After some succinct replies from him, she determined that he wasn't preoccupied at all. Instead, he was nervous she realized. Still, his silence was deafening.

Dinner was not much better. He did smile and try to follow her conversation as she described a book she was reading. It wasn't until she'd finished the discussion that she realized her mistake there when Anthony commented, "I didn't realize you enjoyed reading so much, Helen. As I recall, you thought it a waste of time."

Recovering quickly from her gaff, Edith replied that as she had nothing else to, was not allowed to do much, that it did seem to help her pass the time.

Anthony seemed satisfied with her answer and then deftly turned the conversation in another direction. "Have you thought about a nursery?"

Edith stared at him blankly. How had she overlooked that necessity? Of course, it was still early but… "No, I haven't. Where is the nursery here anyway?"

"On the hall adjacent to ours. I'll show you tomorrow if you would like. It is in need of some minor repair and quite a lot of decoration. It hasn't been touched in years, I'm afraid."

"When you were a child perhaps?" she asked, knowing fully that it had probably been done in anticipation of his child with Maude.

"No, since then. I had it freshened before the war and then later…just after the war when I…" he paused as if gathering his emotions and then continued, "when I thought I might marry again."

"Then it shouldn't be in terrible condition. It hasn't been that long…"

"No, not long. But after… after I wasn't married again I …" his face reddened in embarrassment as he looked down at his plate. "I was quite angry….with myself. I was drunk one night and went into the room and… well, I took my anger out on the room, I'm afraid."

Edith was stunned by his admission. Her Anthony was always so gentle, so mild mannered. She couldn't imagine… "I think I'd like to see it after dinner, if that is alright. I'd like to spend tomorrow planning."

He looked at her oddly but finally nodded. "Alright, if you wish."

Although the remainder of the meal passed in silence save for the sound of utensils on the dishes, Edith was in turmoil. He had had the nursery redecorated in anticipation of their marriage and then he had destroyed it apparently, when the marriage didn't happen. She had been so hurt and so angry with him after he left her at the altar, she'd never stopped to consider what he might have been feeling. It had hurt him as much as it had hurt her, perhaps even more. It gave her much to consider.

After dinner, Anthony led her up the stairs to the nursery. He stopped at the door, took a deep breath, and then opened the door. Once the light was switched on, she could see why he thought it needed attention. Apparently his taking out his anger had lasted quite a while. There were at least three holes in the plaster. She shuddered to think how they had been put there. A pile of broken wooden pieces in the corner hinted at a crib but it was little better than kindling for a fire now. A rocker in another corner had also been destroyed. There were stains on the wall and glass broken along the base of it, hinting that he'd thrown a bottle at the wall in his anger. As she looked around the room noticing bits and pieces of fabric strewn about, another piece of destroyed furniture near the window, and a smashed lamp, she wanted to cry.

She heard him shift behind her. "I haven't… no one has been allowed in here since that night. I left it, along with my dreams for the future, and closed the door on it; I thought forever…"

She turned to him, tears in her eyes. "Oh Anthony… why did you do it?"

He frowned down at her. "I've told you, I was angry…"

"No. I meant, why did you walk away from m….her? Why didn't you stay and marry your Edith and live out your dreams?"

"Because my dreams would have turned into her nightmare. I was much too old for her. She was young and bright and so very…vibrant. I would only pull her into my dotage, my … darkness. I wasn't well. Oh, I put on a good show of it and had everyone convinced but… I couldn't do that to her."

She wanted to tell him now, tell him who she was really. But something stopped her. She told herself to wait. "So you broke your own heart…and hers, to save her?"

"Helen, surely you understand; I was too old, crippled, and had the dark secret of my state. I was not a good match for her."

"I understand that it is how you saw it. But did you try to speak to her about it? Did you explain to her? Or did you leave her wondering what had happened, what had changed? Surely she was devastated."

"Perhaps, for a while, but she recovered quite nicely," he said with obvious pride. She became a writer and quite a good one."

"A writer? Was that something to which she aspired before or was it something to grasp onto in her misery?"

He paled. "I..I hadn't thought so. She was always quite well read and I know she kept a journal. I just assumed…"

"Perhaps after you had shattered the very earth beneath her feet, perhaps then she simply used the writing to keep going, to find something…anything that felt meaningful. Perhaps it left her vulnerable… was she happy, truly? Do you know that?"

Panic filled his eyes with her questions. "I…I thought so… I thought she had found her direction in life." He shook his head in denial. "No, she must have been happy. She was too good with the writing for it to be… a crutch."

"Perhaps," Edith said in conclusion. She had tortured him enough, she thought. "Now that I know the condition of the room," she continued as she looked around again, "I can begin planning. Thank you for showing me."

"My…um, pleasure," he replied distractedly. Obviously she had given him much to think about.


	8. Chapter 8

So sorry it took so long to get back to this. It has been a really crazy two weeks. I hope you find it worth the wait. Drop me a line and let me know what you think. Sometimes your comments put a new turn in the story ;-)

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Later when it was time for bed, they said their good nights at her door, Anthony's very kind but firm wishes for a good sleep disappointing her. A house maid had been chosen to help Lady Strallan with her ablutions and preparation for bed until a proper lady's maid could be found. Edith didn't understand what had happened to the previous one but was relieved. A lady's maid would have noticed the differences between her and the real Lady Strallan.

Once the maid was finished and left, Edith climbed into bed quietly. She sat staring at the door that adjoined her room to Anthony's as if willing him to come through. But he never did and eventually she burrowed under the covers and drifted off to sleep.

She awoke from a dream sometime in the night, unidentifiable fear coursing through her. The dream was already fading to the back recesses of her mind but left her anxious. Glancing at the door adjoining their two rooms, she noticed that it was ajar. Had he come in her room? With a sigh, she tried to calm down but her eyes remained fixed on the door.

Surely he just pushed it open a bit so he could hear her if she called for help in the night? Anthony was far too decent a man, much more than she wanted him to be under the present circumstances, to enter her room to gawk at her while she slept. Still, it left her disappointed as she admitted to herself that she wanted him in her room, even in her bed.

After a few minutes of a fruitless attempt at sleep, she slid from her bed and crept across the chilled floor. Peering into his room, she saw Anthony in his bed asleep. Quietly crossing the space she stood at his bedside doing some unadulterated gawking of her own. Streams of moonlight cast just enough light for her to see how relaxed he was in sleep, the lines of his face all but disappearing and his mouth fixed in the loveliest way, almost smiling. He looked so handsome in sleep, devilishly so, she thought.

After a moment, she leaned over him and very carefully kissed him softly on his lips, wishing all the while for something more. A sound came from his throat, almost as if he were speaking but words never really formed from the sound. Still being very careful, she whispered his name softly.

A contented moan worked up through his chest and his mouth opened to utter only one word," Edith…"

His utterance startled her and she backed away as one would from a fire that was too hot. She simple stood there, staring at him as her mind tried to make sense of it.

Anthony rolled to his side, now a smile on his face, and muttered again. "Dearest darling… you came back to me…"

Covering her mouth with her hands to contain her exclamation, she stared at him with wide eyes. He was dreaming of her! Completely befuddled and unsure, she hastily crossed the room to the safety of her own chamber to consider what she had witnessed. Unsurprisingly, she slept no more that night.

The next morning the maid, Ellen as Edith discovered, appeared with a breakfast tray. Once the tray was settled, Edith dismissed Ellen, instructing her to return in time to help Edith dress. After Ellen left, Edith looked at the tray and giggled. Memories of her mother having her breakfast while still in bed flooded her mind and now she was doing the same. She was the lady of the house, Anthony's house. The irony did not escape her. She was mistress of the very house her father and grandmother had worked to keep her away from.

"You seem cheery this morning," Anthony's voice interrupted her thoughts from his position in their doorway.

Edith looked up to see him leaning against the door jam, looking very relaxed. She couldn't recall ever having seen him appearing so casual. As she stared at him, she decided she liked this new side of him…very much. "I am feeling cheery," she replied with a smile.

He ventured into the room and sat gingerly at the foot of the bed. "I'm glad," he said as he settled. "I know it has been difficult for you since waking in the hospital but I really want you to feel at ease."

"Oh, I do," she blurted before she could think. His face gave away his surprise at her outburst. "I mean, it is so much better here. In hospital there were always people around, never a moment to myself."

"Yes, I remember… from my own days in hospital. I found myself wanting to hide away," he explained with that wonderful lopsided smile of his.

"Yes, so did I," she agreed eagerly.

There was an awkward silent moment before he asked, "Ellen is acceptable, I hope?"

"Yes, she's doing fine. I…did I have a lady's maid … before?"

His smile disappeared. "Yes, Pugh. She was in third class…on the train. She erm… didn't survive."

"Oh, how awful," Edith said meekly, reminded how close she had come to death. Resting her hand on her abdomen, she took a deep, calming breath. Her action wasn't lost on Anthony. Peering at him under her eyelashes, she saw his eyes follow the motion of her hand and then linger over her growing baby bump. "As lost as I feel at times, I am very fortunate."

"Indeed," he agreed, his eyes lingering on her hand.

A knock sounded at the door and Ellen entered. Anthony was on his feet immediately. "I'll leave you to dress then," he muttered as he exited through his door, closing it behind him.

Edith had orders from Dr. Clarkson to take things slowly and Anthony made it his mission to see that the doctor's orders were followed. Ellen accompanied her as she made her way downstairs. Anthony rose from his chair in the library and guided her to the sofa. "I have some numbers to run through this morning and a meeting with Granger this afternoon. But you may relax in here as you wish. If you should need anything after I leave, Ellen will be nearby."

"Thank you," she replied. "I thought I might stroll in the garden later…"

He tilted his head as he looked at her, surprise evident in his expression. "I don't remember that you were ever particularly fond of such activities," he said awkwardly.

"Really? Well, I suppose being bedridden in the hospital has changed my perspective. Right now, being out in the fresh air seems wonderful."

"Let me finish these numbers and I will accompany you," he said warmly with an expression she recognized, one of hope. He wasn't offering out of duty but because he wanted to spend time with her.

"That would be lovely," she replied in kind, her heart beating just a fraction faster than it had before.

While he worked at a desk in the corner, she settled into her seat with a book from his crowded shelves. After an hour, he closed his ledger and sighed. She looked up to see him watching her, a sheepish grin threatening at the corner of his mouth. "Are you ready for that stroll, my dear?"

"Yes, I am," she answered.

They moved at a leisurely pace toward the orchards, passing through a flower garden as they did. The conversation was easy, both staying with comfortable subjects about the gardens and the estate in general. Anthony explained his modernization eagerly, alive with energy and charm. And if Edith hadn't already loved him, she would have fallen for him on that day.

As they returned to the house, she looked at him with eager eyes, drinking in every nuance of his manner and expression and already regretting that he would leave her after lunch.

After their meal, he escorted her to her room and then left her in Ellen's care. "I'll be back before dinner, my dear. Please rest and if you should need anything…"

"I know, Ellen is nearby," she said with a chuckle. His reluctance to leave was palatable and she reveled in it. Leaning up to his cheek, she pecked him quickly and then disappeared behind her door. A few minutes later she heard the car as it pulled away, carrying Anthony to his appointment. Not long after, she succumbed to a short nap, happy with the progress of things with her Anthony.


	9. Chapter 9

Ah ha! I managed tp post a day earlier than planned. I do appreciate your patience. I'm afraid Edith is just a little naughty in this one. No, not that kind of naughty ;-) Hope you enjoy. You know the rest of the drill, please leave your message after the tone...wait, no... what I meant to say was, your reviews are most welcome;-P

* * *

The house was quiet when she woke. Ellen appeared as if by magic to help her redress and then Edith wandered down to the library. She loved this room because of all the books but even more because it reflected Anthony so well. The shelves were stuffed full of books with stacks littering the room next to chairs and in corners. His desk was piled with ledgers and papers.

She walked around the room soaking it all in until she stood next to his desk. Smiling at his morning's works strewn over the surface, she began to straighten it into organized piles. Under all the papers and his ledger, she found another book, a journal. It lay open to the last page he had written. Propriety said she should not look but the temptation was too much. She sat in his chair and began to read.

_I am so utterly confused by it all, _it read. _She is so unlike the Helen I married and so very much like… no, I dare not say it, dare not think it. But it is she who I should have married, for my own happiness at least. I can't help but think that had I not been a coward that day, she wouldn't have been on that train and she would be safe here at Locksley with me now. Instead I have… an enigma._

_Oh Edith, my dearest darling… how I miss you!_

Edith reread the short missive, so carefully written in his hand. His penmanship had improved so much since…before. She knew how hard it had been for him at first, learning to write with his left hand but he had done it. Pride welled up within her.

Staring at the book, she decided to turn back a page. It was written while she was still in hospital.

_Sometimes there is a look or a smile and I am taken back to those glorious days with my dear sweet one. I simply can't get over the striking resemblance. It is as if someone had handed a photograph to the surgeon and said, "here, make her like this." There was always a resemblance of course, but now… it hurts so very much when I look at Helen and find myself wanting Edith. Oh god, how will I manage this?_

_I find I am enjoying Helen's company more these days, I must confess. She seems to have a wealth of knowledge that was locked away in that cunning mind of hers. Suddenly she has decided to share it. I am beginning to like her again but that is all that will come of it. My heart died with Edith._

_The child is innocent in all this and so I will make the effort. Besides, I've always wanted to be a father. This may be my only opportunity. I wish I knew something about the real father but as Helen doesn't remember, I suppose I never will. I just pray the child looks like its mother or the father had some general resemblance to me so that there will not be questions. I would never want it to know it had ever been anything but loved._

_Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine it is Edith and this is our child that we are expecting. Oh how wonderful that might have been… no, not wonderful…something more than just wonderful._

_Oh Edith my darling, how I love you. I pray you knew that, in spite of everything._

She flipped backwards through the book, back to the days leading up to the wedding; the one that never happened.

_I can't believe I did it! I've asked the caretaker of my heart to marry me. Or did she ask me? I'm not really certain as everything happened in such a whirlwind. I'm so glad the ovens broke down at The Abbey, otherwise we would have been stuck in a traditional dinner and she and I would have probably been at opposite ends of the table. As it turned out, we were together the whole of the evening. _

_She seems quite sure of things; I wish I felt the same. I fear she will tire of me, an old codger with a broken wing. But when she looks at me in that way of hers, my doubts melt away. God, what she does to me…_

Turning another page she read on…

_My dearest darling makes it very difficult for me to remember to be a gentleman. Since we are now engaged however, there are legions of chaperones who keep me in line. Sometime it is torture though as I want to hold her to me and kiss her roundly until we both grow weak. I pray I have the strength for her when we are married; I fear she'll be my death as my heart races so fiercely whenever we do manage to be close. I feel quite like I'm back at Cambridge chasing after girls, except now there is only one who interests me. _

_Robert would shoot me on the spot if he had any idea of the dreams I have about his middle daughter._

A few pages later she read…

_I'm worried. I've tried talking with Robert about it but honestly, he doesn't fill me with confidence. I believe he has simply resigned himself to our marriage; I don't think he is happy about it at all. And the Dowager….her disapproval is very apparent. Lady Grantham, Cora, seems half heartedly supportive. I think she only wishes to see her daughter happy. I do wish I felt more confident._

_Edith deserves so much better…_

Another page…

_We travelled to a house in the north, perhaps to be the new Downton? I hardly had a moment alone with my sweet one. She seemed happy. I wish I had her confidence._

And then…

_I did it. I didn't go to the church with the intention but as we stood there, I couldn't go through with it and so I walked away… or more likely ran. It is a blur now. I remember how beautiful she was standing there next to me. It frightened me really. How could I make her happy?_

_Perhaps if there hadn't been the whisperings just before she came in… whisperings that I might not be up to it. Her declaration after dinner the other night had unsettled me. I_ _don't want to be her life's work, not in that way at least. And then the whisperings… _

_She looked so dazed, so hurt… I did that. But she is young and will recover. She'll meet some deserving younger man and will find great happiness. She has to or I've broken both of our hearts for no reason._

_Oh my dearest darling, how will I manage without seeing your sparkling face each day? Until you came back into my life, I was a mere shell, walking and talking but nothing inside. I meant it when I said you gave me back my life. You filled me with your confidence and your optimism and made me feel alive again. _

_I've never understood suicide before but after today, I believe I've committed it. Oh, the body still lives but the heart is dead. I'll linger on a bit before I turn to dust but it will be a sham._

Sometime later he wrote:

_I've lost my mind; I must have. I walked away from the greatest happiness of my life. And now I am nothing…_

There were no more entries until the train wreck. She wasn't ready to relive those days so she carefully turned the page to where he had last written and put it back on the desk. She put the ledger over it, just as it had been, and crossed the room to choose a book. Then she crossed the hall to the drawing room where she spent the afternoon reading.


	10. Chapter 10

Had time to write a longer chapter this time, so I did. I took a little inspiration from Loveedith and her story _A Sudden Interest in Pigs_, lol. It is a fun one if you haven't already discovered it. Anyway, I do appreciate everyone who reads and especially those who take the time to review. Your words inspire me and sometimes even give me ideas;-)

And now...

* * *

Anthony appeared just as Ellen brought Edith's tea. "Oh hello my dear," he greeted through the open doorway. He was looking at her expectantly, that wonderfully crooked smile of his and his sparkling eyes begging for an invitation to join her.

"You're earlier than I expected," she said warmly. "Why don't you join me for tea?" As he sauntered into the room she thought she detected excitement in his step. "Ellen, could you please bring a second cup for Sir Anthony?" she instructed the maid.

Anthony settled in a chair nearby, his demeanor speaking of continued enthusiasm. "Granger and I finished early," he said lightly.

"Obviously," she said, smiling at his eagerness. Then remembering that she shouldn't know who Granger was, she tilted her head and asked, "So just who is Granger, anyway?"

"Oh, right… Granger is my swineherd. He's got quite a nice herd this year. It'll supply Locksley with one for each of the tenants and we'll have enough for market as well. We've got two sows farrowing just now, leaving another four that should be soon. Lots of little piglets to come…"

Edith couldn't help it, she giggled at his enthusiasm.

"What? " He asked with the lopsided grin and inquiring eyes.

"You're just so excited by the pigs. It's quite nice actually, to see you so happy and lively. But really, I'm not sure what to expect when the baby comes."

The smile faded and his eyes left her face to study her mid section. "Not now, I hope? You aren't due for another…"

"No darling man, not now. You are quite right. I have another few months. But honestly, your enthusiasm for your piglets has me worried for this baby," she teased.

He looked at her bashfully with a hint of defensiveness. "I…I can assure you that I plan to be a father to the child. I want… I …hope that you will let me be a significant part of its life."

Ellen appeared just at that moment with the second cup, cutting off any response Edith might have given.

Once the maid left, Anthony turned to Edith in a more serious tone. "Speaking of the child, have you given any thought to the nursery…your plans for refitting it?"

"Actually, I have. If you are in agreement, I thought we might have the walls repaired of course, and then painted in blue, the color of the sky. And perhaps someone could manage a few clouds high on the walls? I'm uncertain about what any of the local shops might have and don't know where to begin to find furnishings but I'd like it all in white. And a green rug in the center of the room, as a hint of the outdoors."

Anthony looked at her sharply. "Outdoors? Yes, I suppose it would hint at that. I must confess that I am quite surprised though."

"The windows in that room overlook the garden and I thought it might bring a bit of that feel inside. I want the baby to feel… free."

Looking contemplative, Anthony didn't respond immediately but finally voiced his thoughts. "Williams fancies himself a bit of an artist. I'll ask him if he would be willing to do the walls. Perhaps add a tree or two to the picture, hmmm?"

She looked at him in surprise. "You approve of my ideas? I know they are quite out of the usual scheme but I thought…well, I want things to be perfect for the…for our baby."

Now it was Anthony who looked startled and Edith was afraid she had gone too far. But then his features settled into first acceptance and then contentment. "Yes, I do like the scheme. I've always thought nurseries to be boring actually; I know I was bored in mine… at least what I can remember of it. I think your idea is quite refreshing actually."

Edith swallowed nervously. He hadn't addressed the use of "our baby" but he hadn't rejected it either. She hoped he never would.

Dinner was quiet again, at least at first. But then Anthony made an effort at conversation. "I hope you don't mind," he said off handedly, "but Tom Branson is coming over from Downtown Abbey in the morning. He won't be in the house long, just a few minutes in the library should do it, I think."

The mention of Tom rattled Edith to her core. "Tom Branson? I thought…didn't you say the people at Downton Abbey are Crawleys?"

"Yes, they are. Tom married one of the daughters, although she died sometime back. Tom is the estate manager now. They are making changes there toward modernization and Tom wanted to ask me a few questions about how things are done at Locksley. Also, he'd like to borrow my prize boar to service their sows."

"He's here asking you questions? But I thought …well, my impression was that Lord…um…" she hesitated, feigning confusion over the name.

"Grantham. Lord Grantham," Anthony supplied.

"Yes, Lord Grantham… I thought he was still angry with you after… well, Edith."

"He was… still is most probably. But I suppose since she is gone now he doesn't mind letting Tom talk with me about bringing Downton into the modern era. And I doubt Tom will even tell him about the boar."

"That hardly seems right," she said with a furrowed brow. "How can he be angry with you on the one hand and let you help his estate manager on the other? You shouldn't let him treat you in that way."

"Well my dear, I really haven't much choice. He is an Earl and I am only a Baronet. Besides, if I can help Downton I will, for Edith's sake."

She studied the expression on his face and seeing no animosity there, she marveled at this man. "You are truly a remarkable man, Anthony." He blushed furiously, something Edith couldn't ever remember seeing him do before. Inwardly she smiled happily. Slowly she was making progress.

"Not so remarkable really," he denied. "Robert and I were friends once and our families have been neighbors for hundreds of years. I have no interest in seeing the demise of Downton. Far too many of the old estates are falling into ruin, abandoned and neglected. I don't want to see that happen to any of my neighbors."

"Still, I think you are remarkable," she said quietly as a new appreciation for this very humble man sparked within her.

That night she dreamed of the train. It was a hideous dream with screeching sounds and violent motion. Edith woke up screaming.

Anthony was in her room almost instantly. "Helen, what's happened?"

"I…I was dreaming. I was on the train and…" she began sobbing, collapsing into a heap on her bed.

Befuddled and unsure, Anthony moved closer, eyeing her suspiciously. "Dreams can be very life-like," he offered gently.

"Yes, I haven't had that dream in some time, not since the first few nights in the hospital. I…I don't know why…now…"

He sat on the bed next to her and sighed. "After the war I had terrible nightmares, reliving it all, especially being shot and the aftermath of that. I do understand how horrible reliving such a bad experience can be. In fact, I still have them occasionally. The early days were the worst. Things improved once I came back to Locksley but the war still haunted me. That's one of the reasons I didn't think I should marry Lady Edith. In many ways, I was a broken shell of a man. She helped me put myself back together but I felt rather like Humpty Dumpty and worried that my cracks would begin to show and I'd crumble right in front of her. She deserved better than that."

"But you seem alright now."

"I am much better, yes," he admitted as he turned to look at her. "But inside I am hollow, especially since her death." He paused for a moment and then spoke even more quietly. "Helen, I meant what I said; I'll claim your child as my own and we can raise it here together. But I can't do more than that; I can't be… a proper husband to you. I just don't have it in me any longer. All of those feelings died with Edith. So if that is too difficult for you and I understand why it might be, I'll arrange for a divorce. The child can still have my name and I'll provide a settlement so that you can be secure and you can start a new life."

She stared at him in the dim light of the room, his melancholy evident in his posture. "I don't want a divorce, Anthony. I want you. I'll happily take anything you have to offer, companionship, friendship, a shoulder to cry on…anything. I think I've had enough adventure and excitement for a lifetime. I want something solid and you are most certainly that. And I believe you will be a wonderful father to my child. I hope it will learn from you, will be like you."

He turned to look at her, the dim light just enough to create sparkles in the tears that sat in his eyes. "I'd like to be a father, I think. I used to want it at least. And if you really believe you can be happy here, I would like it if you stayed."

"Then it is settled. I'm here for as long as you'll have me and there will be no more talk of divorce."

He didn't reply but simply shook his head in agreement. It was then that she realized he was afraid of something…of being alone perhaps? "Anthony, are you afraid of being left on your own…alone?"

His head jerked up and he looked at her with a grimace. "Not alone exactly, although I …I don't want to die alone. But …"

"What?"

"When my father died he left everything to me, the title, the land, the responsibilities. When I married the first time I had great hopes to have someone to pass it along to when I die. But that never happened. And then I thought I might marry again and I thought perhaps… well, it doesn't matter now. But after I walked away from Edith I threw myself into the estate, to building it as strong as possible. I suppose one might say I hid away in the work. But it is really for naught, isn't it? I mean, without someone to pass it on to. So in a sense I was just marking time until the end. Now, with the child coming, I find I have something to live for again… a reason for forging ahead. If you leave and take the child, I fear I will lose all that again. I don't know if I could manage another loss like that."

She sat still as he talked, taking it all in. In all the time that she had been trying to regain her balance after he walked away, she had never considered what he had done to himself. And he had done it out of love, even if it was the most stupid arrogant thing he could have done. No, arrogant wasn't right; he hadn't been arrogant except in thinking he knew what was better for her. On the other hand, no one had ever given her happiness that much consideration. He had quite destroyed his own happiness in an effort to ensure hers. "Oh Anthony," she cried, "I never understood before…" She leaned into him seeking to offer comfort. He jerked back away from her as if she were a hot iron.

"Sorry," he muttered as she looked at him in confusion. "I ummm, I wasn't expecting…"

"No, I…I shouldn't have….presumed."

"Helen, I… I am sorry. I just can't… there's only Edith," he sighed.

She considered telling him now but some instinct told her that he wouldn't believe her or if he did, he would be very upset, feel imposed upon in some way. "Yes, I know. I wasn't trying to… I just thought you needed some… consoling."

Anthony straightened up and stared across the room. "I'm not… I don't need pity," he said harshly.

"No, not pity. But some comfort perhaps? One friend to another?"

"I… I'm sorry. I thought…well, it doesn't matter what I thought."

Edith scooted back into her bed. "Please, stay with me tonight? After that nightmare _I'm _afraid to be alone. I always feel better when you are near."

He looked at her with glistening eyes. "Alright, I'll stay; but only as a friend… nothing more, you understand."

"Completely," she replied, smiling inwardly at her small victory. She crawled back under the covers and waited for him to settle, smiling when he did but in what had to be a most uncomfortable position at the edge of her bed. Then a thought struck her. _He's protesting too much! He's fighting his feelings. _Happiness descended on her as she considered his behavior. He was falling in love with her and it didn't matter who she was, Helen or Edith; he loved her.


	11. Chapter 11

This is a long chapter but I couldn't find a good place to break it, so it stands as it is. As always, reviews are most welcome and much appreciated. And thank you for reading.  
Counting down to series 5. I have little hope that Sir Anthony will appear but am not yet hopeless. Sail on!

* * *

She awoke in the morning to the sight of him sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at her. His blue eyes were clear and bright and a small smile hinted at the corner of his mouth. His hair, out of control after the night's rest, flopped over his forehead giving him a boyish look that she was certain he would deny. But more than his eye-catching good looks this morning, she was drawn to his expression. It was one she recognized from before, one that he had always tried to hide from her but she caught glimpses of, an expression she had cherished because the glimmer of his eyes and the set of his mouth told her that he was indeed attracted to her and was thinking thoughts no proper gentleman should be thinking. He was taking in the sight of her and imagining things and it made her feel warm and giggly at the same time. "Good morning," she finally said softly, careful not to reach for him as she longed to do. He would have to come to her, she realized, or things would never progress.

"Good morning, my dear. You slept well after your nightmare?"

"I did. Thank you. I knew having you nearby would help."

The corner of his mouth shot up in a lopsided grin. "Glad to be of service," he replied.

_Oh, and I have so much more service in mind for you too,"_ she thought as she smiled back at him.

"I should prepare for the day," he said as he stood. "Young Branson will be here soon and I wouldn't want him to be kept waiting."

"Yes, of course. I'll have my breakfast here and come down later," she replied, hoping to miss Tom's visit entirely.

Circumstances were not in her favor, however. She had made a dash to the library to grab a book to read in her room while Tom was there but he arrived even earlier than Anthony had anticipated. She was stuck, right there in the library when he was shown into the room.

He froze in mid stride as he looked across the room at her, his eyes widening in surprise. Opening his mouth to speak, he merely gulped air. Edith, flustered as well, stood in her spot but regained her equilibrium more quickly than Tom. "You're Mr. Branson, I presume," she said softly. "Anthony is expecting you."

"Yes, I am," Tom said, finally collecting himself. "I'm a bit early though. You are… you're Lady Strallan, aren't you? Everyone said how much you look like…" he stopped, obviously embarrassed.

"Lady Edith? Yes, I've heard that several times. Apparently even more so since the accident. I … I don't remember anything from before so I don't know if we've met or even if I'd ever met Lady Edith before that day."

Tom shifted in his spot. "Unlikely after Sir Anthony… well, after they weren't married."

"Yes, of course. Anthony speaks very highly of her. She must have been a very nice person."

"She was. She was capable of great generosity. She was also very intelligent."

The following silence was awkward. Unable to think of anything else to say, Edith excused herself and fled to her room.

Edith tried to read but she couldn't focus on the words. Tom's expression was incredibly sad as he spoke of her, of the presumed dead Lady Edith. How were the others accepting it? Guilt began to grow within her. She was causing them pain by holding onto her secret. But then, would they be happy to learn that she was alive but pregnant with no husband in sight?

A few minutes later there was a quiet knock on her door and then Anthony peeked around it. "Tom and I are going out to look at some of the livestock. Won't be terribly long…"

"Yes, thank you for telling me," she replied.

He smiled at her with his signature smile, the wonderfully awkward one that won her heart so many years ago. And then he left, leaving her sad.

Once she heard the car pull away, she went downstairs to the library. His desk was neater than usual and it took rummaging in the drawers to find his journal again. Flipping through it, she found what she was looking for.

_I was invited to Downton Abbey for dinner. That hasn't happened for some time. I suppose they were observing my mourning period at first and then simply forgot that I was still here. It is understandable since I sometimes forget I am alive too…_

Then…

_Dinner was interesting. I was invited for the eldest daughter, Lady Mary, it seems. I tried to keep up my end but she seemed more interested in her cousin, Matthew. The pudding was ghastly. There was one bright spot to the evening, the second daughter, Lady Edith. She is so young and refreshing. And such intellect! She spoke across the table to me about modernization to the surprise of everyone, me most of all. What a charming young lady. Lady Mary had a change of heart apparently as the evening wore on and engaged me in conversation, even showing me a book on the subject. But it is Lady Edith that stays with me._

She skipped the entries about his trip to Austria and Germany and found the next one of particular interest to her.

_I stopped by Downton to ask Lady Mary to ride out with me. Seems she had other plans but Lady Edith asked to go in her stead. What a lovely time! She really does have a wit about her when she is away from her family. She's too young but…_

There were other entries about their time together but she landed on one of particular interest.

_Oh my darling Maud, it has happened, that which you predicted on your deathbed. I have found someone else. I never thought it possible but it seems I have! Lady Edith is such a perfect match for me in every way, except age. Although, in her I might be able to resurrect my dream of children. She would be a lovely mother, I think, and an even lovelier wife. I wish I were younger but alas I am not. My age doesn't seem to bother her at all, nor does it seem to matter to her family. So as you instructed me, my dear, I plan to ask her soon._

Two pages later…

_I went to the garden party more nervous than I have felt in years. But I was so very full of hope as well. Lady Mary explained why I could not find Edith and it nearly brought me to my knees. I believe I managed to hold my head up and not show my disappointment. I hurried away from Edith as quickly as possible after she found me. It did not occur to me until I arrived home that she found me and not the other way around. Could Lady Mary have been mistaken? Surely not; she seemed quite sure. The more I think of it, the less convinced I am though. I have never witnessed in Lady Edith the behavior that was described by her sister. Should I return and try to explain… ask her forgiveness? I shall consider it._

His entry for the next day was quite short:

_We are at war. I've received a telegram from the War Office and I leave for London in the morning. It seems they have plans for me._

Carefully she put the journal away and returned to her room, deep in thought. Apparently he had loved her all those years ago. He had meant it when he said she was lovely. He held her in such high esteem and still did evidently. Telling him the truth now meant she risked losing him. But she knew it was something she had to do. He would never completely believe in Helen, but he might believe in Edith, once he got over the shock of it all. One thing was very clear; as Helen, she would never really have him. As Edith, she had a chance with him. And she intended to make the most of her chance.

Anthony was back in time for lunch. He told her about his morning with Tom, going over some plans for bringing more modern equipment in at Downton and also about expanding their pig herd. "And Tom informed me that there is a piece of land that runs along the border between our two estates…a bit of a wedge really, that Lord Grantham is thinking of selling. It is being offered at a good price and I thought I might put in a bid for it. It is an awkward place from the Downton side with a stream running along their edge of the wedge but it would add nicely to a piece of land that one of my tenants is working. He's handling his farm quite well and would welcome a small addition, I would think. It'll mean more income for him to be sure."

"And Locksley's as well I'm sure," Edith said.

"Not really, oh perhaps a few pounds a year. But I'm not really concerned with that. Evans is a good man, works hard on his farm. And he has a wife and three children with another on the way. His family has had that tenancy for several generations and they've all been solid. I'll talk with him first, of course, but if it appeals to him, I'll buy the wedge. Might buy it anyway and let it lay fallow for awhile. Never hurts to have a little extra land."

Edith looked at him askance. He was willing to buy land to help a tenant without any expectation of return? That would never happen at Downton, she thought. "That's very generous of you," she commented.

"Not really; quite the opposite. Good tenants are becoming harder to hold. Many don't want to farm anymore and some of the ones who do aren't very good at it. Better to keep the good ones we have than to try to find new ones, and keeping them means finding ways to help them make more money."

"Intelligent _and _generous then, but still I can't imagine my…many landowners who think as you do."

Anthony's face became more serious. "Many of our class are losing it all. Rumors were that Downton was in trouble a few years ago and while they have abated, the rumor still turns up from time to time. My buying that land might help them and it will help me in the grand scheme."

Edith decided that she should tell him sooner rather than later and by sooner she meant today. "Have you any plans for the afternoon?" she asked.

"I have a few things that need my attention but I would happily be distracted," he rejoined with a shy smile. "I take it you have something in mind?"

"I…well I, that is to say… I think we need to talk. I need to tell you something."

Anthony's face went white. "You're not…you are alright, aren't you? I mean, well… the baby …"

"Mother and baby are fine," she said as she patted her stomach and smiled. "But I do need to talk to you."

"Very well then," he said as he finished the last bite on his plate. "If you are done eating then perhaps we should go to the library?"

"Yes…"

Edith was beginning to hate the sofa where she usually sat and the chair where he usually sat when they were in the room together. She would have preferred that they sat together. As she settled in her place she recalled an afternoon too many years ago when she had come to explain and try to win him back. He had called her lovely that day as he told her he was far too old for her. He'd mentioned his arm as well, which she suspected was more of concern than his age. And now, here they were again.

"So what is it that you want to tell me, my dear," he said after moments passed and she hadn't spoken.

"I um… well, it's come back, you see."

"What's come back?" His expression changed just as the words were out of his mouth. It changed from inquisitiveness to dread. "Your memory…"

"Yes, my memory."

"You'll want to return to London and the father of your child then?" He was looking grayer by the minute.

"No, I don't wish to return to London and my baby's father is right here, if he still wants to be."

His face clouded, confusion furrowing his brow. "Here? You still want me to… to… be that?"

"If you want to."

"But what about… I mean, the real father will surely want to know…"

"I hadn't heard from him in quite some time before the accident. I believe he either wants nothing more to do with me or he is dead. And besides, I don't love him. I do love you."

Anthony was out of his chair, his expression almost frantic. "Really Helen? You love me? I don't believe it! You had ample opportunity to love me before and it never happened. You married me for security and then when things became boring you went off to London to find excitement."

"Well that's it, you see; I'm not Helen."

His eyes widened as the blood drained from his face. She thought he looked stricken. Finding his chair again, he sat rather abruptly. "You…you're not…Helen? Then you're…Edith?" As he looked at her all she could see was a wounded soul. He opened his mouth to say something more and then closed it, shaking his head in bewilderment.

"I am. I remember everything."

"How long?" He managed to breathe out. She thought she had never seen a living being looking more desolate, so very crushed. In that moment, he looked worse than he had in her grandmother's drawing room that winter afternoon just after the war.

She hesitated. "How long for what?"

"How long have you known?" He asked again in a low, angry tone.

A knot formed in her chest as fear threatened to overwhelm her. "I remembered just as I was leaving the hospital to come here."

He stared at her incredulously. "And all this time you've…what? Pretended to be Helen? Why?"

"I didn't want… " she hesitated, "What I mean is… well, everything was so nice and I wanted it to go on, at least for a little while. I wanted this time here, with you." She watched his reaction cautiously, her brown eyes all but boring into him.

His eyes seemed to lose some color as he settled back in his chair, looking beaten. "Edith, I… I haven't changed my mind about… about us. I am still too old and crippled for you." It was obvious his heart was breaking, again.

"That didn't seem to bother you with Helen," she snapped.

Letting out a deep sigh, he seemed to cringe. "She was older than you and… and it wasn't the same. She was a nurse and a widow and needed looking after, or so I thought. In exchange for giving her security, I would get some looking after as well as I got older. Except things did not go as I planned."

"She got bored, you mean."

He cringed again and then blushed. "Yes."

"There was another flaw in your plan."

He looked up sharply. "Oh?"

"You were and are still in love with me. She must have felt it; perhaps that had something to do with her boredom."

His eyes rolled as his ears flushed red again. "I…I suppose that could be…"

"Anthony, I realize I am damaged goods now but I do still love you and apparently you still love me."

He shot up from his chair as she spoke and then barked, "you are not damaged goods! Don't say that."

His outburst startled her but as his words sank in, she suddenly felt light. "But it is the truth, Anthony. So now the only question is do I return to Downton and explain myself before disappearing to have my child or do you finally realize we are meant to be together?"

"Disappear?" He looked frightened now. "Why would you do that?"

"I'm with child, Anthony, and unmarried." She felt as if she were speaking to a child in that moment; he seemed so naive. "Society will not approve nor will my family. I will have to go away. No doubt I will be told to let the child be adopted and only then can I return. It is what people in our class do. But I don't want to give up my child. And quite honestly, after this time with you, I don't want to give you up either; but then, I never did want that."

He was flabbergasted; it was quite obvious in his expression. "They won't send you away," he murmured.

"Certainly they will. Papa and Granny will be adamant about it, I'm certain. Mama will be upset, which will only make Papa angrier. And Mary….Mary will be cruel about it."

"But they are your family; they love you, I know they do."

"Yes, they do in their own way. They'll tell themselves it is what is best for me and the baby. And then they'll send me away. But I don't want to go away; not because of them, but because of you."

"They must be told." He insisted. She could see his mind at work through the expression in his eyes. The gentleman in Anthony, the man whose entire life had been about duty, couldn't imagine not telling her family. But on some level he was understanding her trepidation.

"And I will tell them. What happens after I tell them depends on you… on us. Do I go to Switzerland or some other country to have my baby and leave it behind? Or do I come back here with you?"

He blinked. "They would really do that?" he asked meekly.

"Aunt Rosamund had already planned the trip."

Suddenly he became animated. "I… I don't want you to go." He stood and looked thoughtfully out of the window before turning back to face her. "Nor do I want you to lose your baby. I do love you Edith but I think you know that already, since I told you about my feelings when I thought I was speaking to Helen," he said sarcastically.

"I am sorry about that. I can't tell you how much I wanted to tell you…"

"Then why didn't you?" By now, he was feeling more frustrated and confused than angry. She could see it in the change of expression in his face and the sudden nervousness in his demeanor.

"Because I am weak. I couldn't bear the thought of being cast out of Locksley and never seeing you again. At first I thought that posing as Helen, I might win you over. But it became quite clear that you had no interest in Helen beyond companionship. And you were grieving Edith too much to see the truth."

He fidgeted and glanced around the room. "Actually, I did suspect," he said softly. "But then I thought I was just desperate for you to be alive. I couldn't bear the thought that you were dead. I… I've never felt such pain in my life, not even when I walked away from you that day and I thought that day had broken me."

"But it didn't. And now, here we are."

He looked at her differently somehow, something more than his usual regard reflected in his expression. "Yes, so it seems." He paused and frowned at the floor momentarily. Then looking up at her again, his face pale and his eyes wide, almost frightened looking, he suggested, "Might we take this up again later? This evening perhaps? I need…I need to think, to take it all in."

Feeling a victory within her grasp, Edith smiled at him. "Of course. I want you to be very sure about whatever decision you make because it will be a final one. To me it feels as if we have been given another chance at happiness, Anthony. But now that I have a child to consider, I can't keep this up. Either you decide we will be together and stand by that decision or we go our separate ways." She spoke with a firmness she wasn't feeling and had to resist the urge to throw herself at him and beg to stay.

Anthony seemed surprised by her finality. Then something flickered in his eyes and he looked down again with a frown. "You say… you said you remember the baby's father?"

"I do."

"Did you…ah…love him?"

"I thought I did. Looking back, I think I was more in love with the idea of being in love and feeling loved. I was still stinging, you know, from your…departure."

Looking up at her sheepishly, he nodded. "Yes, I thought perhaps …I mean, I know I hurt you deeply. I… I am sorry."

"Well, please don't make either of us any sorrier, Anthony. Please give us this chance at happiness. It really is you I have wanted all along. No one has ever treated me quite as you do. Michael, the baby's father, was attentive and said all the right things at all the right times. And he was quite persistent. But it is all a bit selfish on his part, I realize now. His only real thought to my happiness was that if I was happy, I would be more… agreeable to giving him his happiness."

Anthony's face darkened. "The cad!"

Edith giggled. "I'm sorry but really, I haven't heard that word in some time."

Anthony looked at her chagrinned. "You see, I really am too old for you."

"Not in the least, just… a bit provincial. But that's to be expected since you spend very little time in London."

"Well, it is true," he said as he seemed to relax, "I don't care much for it. I'm much happier here, especially since the war." He glanced at his arm that hung in the sling and sighed.

"Well then," she said, deciding not to pursue his war experiences just yet, "we'll talk again tonight then? You'll have had time to think."

"Yes… after dinner, I think."

"Then I'll take my leave for now and rest as Dr. Clarkson has ordered. And you can return to your work then too."

"Right," he agreed as he watched her cross the room and leave him. Work was the farthest thing from his mind though. He'd head for the orchards, Anthony decided. He often did his best thinking there.


	12. Chapter 12

Eveyone was so nice with the reviews on the last chapter, so I hurried to get more written. With a little encouragemnet I might manage another installment this weekend ;-)

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As he walked among the trees, Anthony was deep in thought. He didn't want her to leave; he knew he didn't. He had been miserable without her. Helen had provided some relief at first but then the situation had become even worse, in part because he couldn't ever quite let Edith go. Tremendous guilt gripped him as he remembered what Edith had said about Helen. Was her boredom a product of his inability to open his heart to her as he had to Edith? She had understood things going into the marriage, or so he thought. After all, he had told her everything. Perhaps she had thought she might change him, change his heart. He sighed heavily. There was nothing he could do about Helen now. She was buried in the church yard underneath Edith's marker.

So what should he do about Edith? He was forever bound to her no matter what their circumstances might be. And after these last weeks, he needed her in the same way he needed air to breathe. He didn't think he could bear to lose sight of her again. But would it be fair to her if he gave in and claimed her as his own?

He sighed as he wandered through the trees. He couldn't deny that he was still a bit angry with her for concealing the truth from him. Why hadn't she trusted him enough to tell him she remembered? But he knew the answer. He had lost her trust the day he walked out of the church.

The reasons for his action hadn't changed. He was still a cripple and he was still far too old for her. But he'd followed that line of thought before and look at the results, he told himself. His intentions had been noble but the results had been disastrous.

No, he would not turn away from her again, he decided. She said she wanted to take up again, that she wanted him and only him. He couldn't understand why, but he did understand that he loved her more than he'd ever loved anyone and he'd do anything to make her happy. If marrying her did that, then he would happily meet his fate. Besides he mused, he was putty in her hands and he really didn't have it in him to refuse her again. It seemed his fate was sealed and his future lay before him. And for the first time in years, he felt that there he really might have a future that wasn't solely about responsibility. Even though a bit of guilt still nagged at the edges of his mind, he felt relieved. If she meant what she said, if she truly wanted him as her husband, then the terrible loneliness that had haunted him these last years would disappear.

Anthony returned to the house a determined man. With Edith upstairs resting, the servants were relaxing below and the house was quiet. Anthony went to his room, dug in the back of a bureau drawer and pulled out a small box. Opening it, he smiled at the sparkle of the stones set in the ring. The diamonds were perfect, the jeweler had assured him when he'd purchased it just weeks before their wedding that wasn't. He'd intended to give it to her on their honeymoon, since he'd never given her an engagement ring. But now it would fill the role nicely and instead of staring at it hopelessly from time to time, he would see it in the full light of day everyday on her hand. Slipping the box into his pocket, he returned downstairs.

Edith had tea in her room which made Anthony nervous. Was she rethinking her words from earlier? Or perhaps she was exacting some sort of revenge for his abandonment of her at the altar? His mind conjured various scenarios through the afternoon until he was too distraught to think by dinner time.

Edith didn't realize what tea in her room had done to him until they sat at the dinner table, Anthony sat quiet and morose. She tried to chat with him, to make dinner more pleasant, but he barely acknowledged her efforts. His eyes would dart away from her when she looked at him. And he barely touched his food. At first she was upset, thinking he must have decided to cast her away and was working up his courage to tell her. But she kept trying to bring him out.

"Did you have a fruitful trip into the orchard?" she finally asked.

"What?" he asked, startled.

"I was told you went into the orchard and hadn't returned, so I had tea in my room. I was a tad lonesome though."

"You were?" He lifted his face and met her gaze. She saw some sparkle return to his eyes and suddenly realized that having tea in her room had somehow worried him.

"Of course," she assured him. "I do hope you were able to solve whatever problem there was with the trees but I did miss having tea with you."

"There wasn't a problem with the trees." He told her. "I …I went there to think."

"Oh," she said, suddenly feeling deflated again.

"Might we talk again after dinner?" he asked, mindful of the servants.

She looked at him intently, trying to discern his mood, what he might say. "Yes, of course," she replied.

Soon after, they adjourned to the library, where they were alone. Anthony closed the door to further ensure their privacy. He surprised her by sitting on the settee next to her. "I um… I gave a lot of thought to what you said today," he began. He looked nervous and unsure of himself. "And I don't want you to be sent away. I thought…what I mean to say is…I'd like for us to marry soon but I'm certain it will be complicated what with having Helen declared dead and you being declared alive. In the meantime, I don't believe it would be kind to keep your family in the dark. I think we should go tomorrow to tell them. But…" he reached into his pocket anxiously and then relaxed when his hand fell on what he was searching for.

Pulling the box from the pocket, he glanced up to her face. "But I am making assumptions…" Then he straightened up and looked at her tenderly. "Lady Edith, you have had my heart since that wonderful summer almost ten years ago. I wonder if you would accept my ring as a symbol of my…condition and agree to be my wife."

He managed to open the box and turn it to show her the ring. She looked from the ring to his eyes and wondered what sparkled more. His expression was so full of hope and perhaps a bit of dread. She smiled and then began to cry as she threw her arms around him, first hugging him and then kissing his cheek. And when he jerked back in surprise, she laughed and then landed a full-bodied kiss on his lips. Much to her surprise, he returned her kiss whole heartedly. He had always been so proper before but now… he was giving her a glimpse of things to come perhaps?

Once they separated, he looked sheepishly at the ring box. "I'm afraid you'll have to put it on your finger yourself," he lamented. "With only one hand I can't hold the box and manage the ring as well." His body spoke of the nervous energy that almost always surrounded him. He fidgeted as he held the box out to her.

Her hands shaking, she took the box from him. She removed the ring and then handed it to him, looking at him with hope. "Perhaps now you could manage?"

He smiled that wonderfully lopsided but wide smile of his and nodded. She held out her left hand and he carefully slipped the ring on her finger. Happier than she could ever remember, she held it up to admire the sparkle. "It's beautiful…" she cooed.

"A mere shadow of the beauty of the wearer," he said heatedly.

Her eyes darted from the ring to his face and she saw it, his desire. Heat flushed through her at the realization and she felt herself blushing under his admiring gaze. "Thank you," she replied bashfully.

Anthony remained frozen, seeming to simply taking in the moment. He had proposed to her before but this was different. She saw none of the nervousness, no sign of the nagging voice in his head telling him it was wrong; no, this felt right. It was right, for them. And in that instant she saw a new determination in his expression. No one, not even her family, would put an obstacle between them now; he wouldn't allow it.

Her expression changed from shy to a warm smile to something more intimate as a warmth that began in her core grew to encompass her entire being. "It's getting late," she said in a tone that left no doubt about how she wanted the evening to progress. "I think I'll go up."

"Yes, it has been a long day," he agreed as he moved to allow her passage to the door.

She turned at the doorway giving him a look that obviously stirred him, and then disappeared through the opening. "Are you coming?" she called softly over her shoulder as soon as she was out of his sight. She heard Anthony sigh. The gentleman in him would make him hesitate but she hoped there was a different force at work within him now, a less noble one, and he would follow.

Edith was pleased to hear his footsteps behind her but was almost immediately disappointed as the footsteps moved down the hall and she heard the soft click of his door. Too let down to want Ellen or anyone else around, she did not ring for the maid. Instead, she set about preparing herself for bed.


	13. Chapter 13

Is this lucky 13? You'll just have to keep reading to find out ;-)

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Once she had settled between the bed covers, she attempted to read but she couldn't concentrate. Carefully she put the book on the table beside her bed and was about to turn out the light when she heard a soft knock at the adjoining door. "Yes?" she called out.

Anthony appeared wearing his pajamas and robe, looking very sheepish. "I um…I wasn't certain…we've been … but of course now it wouldn't be proper, since we're not married. I'm sorry, I don't know why I …"

"Yes," she said firmly.

"What's that?"

"Yes, I would like you to stay with me," she replied.

"But we're not married." He looked completely befuddled.

"We weren't married before," she pointed out to him.

He lifted his head as he digested that, looking at her warily. "Yes, but I didn't know that. If I had, then I wouldn't have presumed…"

"You presumed nothing, Anthony. I encouraged you to stay with me, just as I am doing now. Please? You know we will both sleep better."

He was nervous; it was plain to see. "Perhaps you might," he grinned awkwardly, his eyes looking away uncomfortably. "I would spend the night in constant battle with myself."

"Why?" She flashed him what she hoped was her most innocent look.

Anthony tilted his head and looked at her, his eyes sparkling in amusement. "You know why," he replied.

"Perhaps I do. Perhaps I would have the same inner argument. On the other hand, we could just… not argue and give in."

She'd shocked him. She could tell by his abrupt shift in stature, straightening and almost leaning away from her. "That wouldn't be… we're not…I couldn't take advantage of you in that way."

"You wouldn't be taking advantage, Anthony. Has it never occurred to you that I might be as interested in being with you as you might be about me? I won't deny my feelings for you …in that way."

He looked aghast. "No, it hadn't …occurred to me, I mean. Why would a lovely young woman like you be interested in…in…being with an old codger like me?"

"In the first place, I refuse to accept that you are an old codger so you can just stop that right now. And you really are quite attractive, you know." He was blushing and looked away, deflecting her compliment. "Not to mention, what is between us has been brewing for quite a few years now and that includes … well, the desire to be with you."

Slowly he looked back toward her. "You…you want to be with... me," he asked, his voice rising in pitch at the end. Instead of the surprise she expected to see on his face, she saw curiosity

"Very much. Besides, it isn't as if you would be… taking my innocence and we need not fear that I might become pregnant if things were to … well, you know."

"Edith!" Now he did seem surprised. But then his eyes fell on the side of the bed and he relaxed. Looking back at her, he spoke quietly, "are you…certain?"

She felt the smile as it worked across her face. "I don't believe I've ever been ore sure of anything," she said softly.

"But I'll only be here…what I mean to say is that… I don't expect…" he sighed. "I have to face your father tomorrow and I won't be able to do that if we've… if we've… been together… in that way."

"I know your sense of honor, Anthony. It was that which my father and even more, my grandmother, preyed upon to make you doubt _us_." Anger was building within her, all the years of hurt and frustration boiling to the surface. "I love my family, I truly do, but I don't care whether they approve of us or not. My father will have no say in what we do. You will be able to face him tomorrow, no matter what happens tonight, because his opinion simply does not matter. I will not allow my family to come between us again and neither will you."

Her anger took him aback and she instantly regretted the vehemence in her declaration. But she couldn't deny her frustration and impatience. "Please Anthony, forget my parents, forget the difference in our ages, forget your arm and just… think about us."

His eyes widened and then narrowed as a frown formed on his forehead. "I can't change the way I am, Edith. I thought you understood who I am, how important honor and tradition is to me. I have modernized in regard to the running of the estate, embraced it even. And I do applaud some of the changes we are witnessing in our society. But all these changes should not displace honor and tradition. I thought you understood that."

She saw the anguish in his eyes, his pleading almost to be understood and more, appreciated for his values. "Oh Anthony, I'm not asking you to change, not really. I am asking you to put me…us, our happiness, above all else. I am tired of the rest of the world deciding what we should be to one another. Only you and I should decide that." She paused, her eyes searching his face for some sign that he comprehended and accepted what she was trying to tell him. "I love you, Anthony. I know it isn't proper for me to say that before we are married but I do and I won't deny my feelings for you. I love you, all of you, everything about you and I wouldn't change you one bit because then it would change who you are. And because I feel so strongly about you, I want you here, next to me at night. And I want to show you how much I love you and I want you to show me. I want us to be together in every way."

Anthony glanced away, his face a picture of thought and then regret. He looked to the opposite side of her bed, his side. His mouth opened as if he would speak but then it closed and he walked to sit next to her on the bed. Staring at the table beside her bed, he sighed. And then in soft tones, he began to speak.

"Edith, I… want that as well. If you think it is easy for me to deny the pleasure of you then you are mistaken. You have spoken openly and honestly and I will do so as well. I worry about so many things with regard to our…union. I am older, you've told me that I am not old and I won't argue that with you, but the truth is I am much older than you. There is a difference in what one might expect from … what you are asking of me. If I were your age, my expectations would be… more physical in nature. Now, while the physical aspect is most certainly appealing, I could be very content to merely sit with you and enjoy your company. I…I was never what one would call accomplished in intimacy. I loved Maud but that side of things was always awkward between us. And the few nights I spent with Helen were… unrewarding."

Edith interrupted. "Are you saying that you… can't?"

Anthony frowned and shook his head. "Not at all! But with Helen it felt very… empty. And while I enjoyed intimacy with Maud, it was the closeness that appealed to me. What I'm trying to say and not doing it well is that I fear you are expecting much more passion and expertise than I believe I am capable of."

"Oh," she said heavily. "Michael was…experienced, I believe. And while I enjoyed the experience I did not feel the closeness you speak of. It was a purely physical act and not an emotional one, at least in terms of an emotional union. But then, I never felt as close to him as I do you. No, that's not exactly right. But, with you I feel as if we are connected, see the world through similar eyes and feel much the same about what we see. And he didn't have your sense of honor and … honesty."

"Obviously," Anthony commented with a roll of his eyes.

"But don't you see, that's why no matter how much I tried, I never cared for him in the way I care for you."

"You…you didn't love him?"

"I did," she said hesitantly, thinking back to her time with Michael and trying to remember what it was that drew her to him. "But I think I loved him because he seemed to put me first. He was willing to go to Germany, become a citizen and obtain a divorce so that he could marry me. It was more than anyone had ever been willing to do for me. But… it never felt right. And with you, it feels right. For me there's no guilt or underhandedness involved. And what is between us feels … enduring. I want you close to me Anthony, as close as one can be. I want to feel your touch, your intimate touch and when it is right, I want to feel us joined, as one. I can't imagine anything more incredible or… exciting."

Anthony looked at her tenderly. "Nor can I," he smiled. "Alright, I'll sleep in here, with you. I'll hold you all night if that is what you want. We can kiss and cuddle and touch and feel. But the joining will wait until we are married, my sweet one. It will be a measure of our self control I fear, but I must insist on that."

Edith felt such joy at his pronouncement that she could hardly contain it. "Yes, I can mange that, I think. I just need you so much, Anthony."

"And I you," he said softly. Then standing, he walked to the other side of the bed, his side, and slipped between the covers. Edith scooted next to him as he lifted his left arm to hold her. Settling her head on his chest, she listened to the beat of his heart, a rather rapid one she noted. Her hand rested over his heart and she nearly purred with the pleasure of him.

She felt his kiss on her head and the lazy strokes of his fingers on her arm. Neither was heated, more for comfort than anything. She snuggled into him more, her own fingers softly grazing over his pajama shirt as she fought the urge to open some buttons and find his skin beneath. Let him come to you, she reminded herself; don't push him.

His heartbeat quickened again and she smiled smugly at that. This was having the desired effect on him. She shifted her body slightly as if seeking a more comfortable position, resting her leg over his in the process. His breath hitched. She turned her head and planted a gentle kiss on his neck. "This is nice," she purred.

Anthony tensed and then sighed. "I can't do this," he blurted as he kicked the covers off his legs...

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Go ahead and say it, I'm cruel. LOL. I'll try really, really hard to post again in the next day or two;-)


	14. Chapter 14

It took me longer than I'd hoped to get this written. But here it is. It is kind of long but I hope you think it was worth the wait. Please drop a line; your words inspire me ;-)

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Anthony tensed and then sighed. "I can't do this," he blurted as he kicked the covers off his legs. Edith sat up, surprised. Anthony turned and looked at her pleadingly. "Please dearest, do not tempt me in that way. I… I must have a clear conscious when I speak to your father, at least where your honor is concerned."

Although disappointment tugged at her, Edith couldn't help the admiration she felt for her Anthony. And then embarrassment set in. What was she doing? He had told her his feelings and she'd all too easily ignored them. "I'm sorry," she said softly, feeling quite ashamed. "I… I wish I could say I didn't intend to…"

That uneasy little crooked smile of his appeared again, instantly calming her. "Of course you did, my dear. And while I am very flattered and honored by your attentions, I must insist on a more chaste night than you hoped for."

She looked at him abashed. "Alright, I promise to behave. Now please, come hold me."

Anthony's eyebrow lifted as a little smirk worked at the corner of his mouth. His eyes sparkled with mischief as he looked at her doubtfully. "I mean what I say," he told her in a serious tone that was completely at odds with his expression.

His demeanor made her giggle. "Oh Anthony, I fear for this child. You just don't have it in you to be firm with those you love."

"I don't want to deny you… anything, my darling, but I am adamant on this one subject."

"I know… and I am disappointed. But I … I'm grateful too. Now please, just… I just want to be near you. No more games, I promise."

Relaxing, Anthony settled back under the covers and welcomed Edith against him where she did behave. He fulfilled his promise to kiss and to cuddle, but Edith did not offer greater temptations. The threat of losing the comfort he provided was too great for her to risk it.

Both were extremely agitated as they drove to Downton the next day. Edith watched the scenery roll by, stealing an occasional glance at Anthony, who had his jaw firmly set and his eyes narrowed as if he were contemplating the battle about to happen. She supposed he probably was thinking about it; over thinking it more likely.

"Anthony, you mustn't let Papa dissuade you," she said softly.

He sighed and then looked at her. "No, my sweet; I will not." There was a resolve in his expression that told her he would not let it happen again. "I was duped the first time and unsure of myself the second. But this time, my dearest, I am quite convinced that this is the right thing for us, for you. So no, I will not be dissuaded."

She felt her lip quiver as she looked into his determined blue eyes and agreed, "It is right, for both of us."

Carson gasped when he saw Edith. She said nothing and allowed Anthony to speak. "We've come to speak with Lord Grantham."

Edith knew Carson well enough to recognize his disapproval as he allowed them entrance to the Abbey. He led them to her Papa, who was at his desk in the library. When they were announced, Robert stood, shock clear in his appearance. "Sir Anthony, Lady Strallan," he greeted. "Were we expecting you?"

Anthony straightened to his full height. "No, Lord Grantham," he replied in the same formal tones used by her father. "We came to discuss the accident, the… consequences of it … and … Lady Edith's fate."

Grief, pure and raw, washed through Robert's features. "I…" he let out a breath which Edith recognized as his way of giving himself a moment to recover. "I don't understand."

"Lord Grantham… Robert, perhaps we should sit. I'm afraid you're in for a bit of a shock."

Robert Crawley looked at him almost angrily. But then he glanced at Edith and nodded. "Yes, alright then." Once they were settled, Robert on one of the red sofas and Edith and Anthony on the facing one, Robert spoke again. "I'm not at all certain what it is you have to tell me."

Edith looked at Anthony who nodded at her. She turned to her father and spoke. "It's me, Papa. It's Edith."

Robert went white. "Is this a cruel joke?" He bellowed as he glared between her and Anthony. "Edith… my daughter… she died in that horrible… in the…" tears broke through his flash of anger and he dipped his head as a sob escaped him.

Just then the door opened and Cora walked in. "Robert? What is wrong? I could hear you yelling … Oh." She stopped when she saw Anthony and Edith. "I didn't realize we have guests."

Her father's reaction had been so disturbing, Edith was afraid to speak to her mother. But then, she felt Anthony's warm hand on hers and took courage from it. "I'm afraid I upset him," she said meekly to her mother.

"She…she claims to be Edith," Robert sobbed.

Cora looked from Edith to her husband. "Oh Robert," she said as she went to him. There was desperation in their embrace. Edith had seen it before, when Sybil died and even when Matthew died. But this time it made Edith feel ill, since she was the cause of their anguish.

Cora eased from her husband's arms and still holding his hand, turned to look at her. "You say you are Edith?" She looked grieved and hopeful all at once.

"I am, Mama. Don't you recognize me?"

"I thought… in the hospital when I saw you, I thought… but everyone told me it wasn't possible. But your voice is different and… something else too." Cora looked at her searching for the difference.

"They had to do surgery on my face. It… is different, a little. I had no memory for the longest time. Everyone assumed I was …," Edith looked at Anthony, who was watching her closely. A little smile formed at the corners of his mouth and his eyes nudged her to continue. "Everyone assumed I was Lady Strallan," she continued as she turned back to look at her parents. "So I assumed I was too. But then my memory came back and I know who I am now. I'm sorry, so very sorry you've been through it all, believing me to be dead. I know it can't have been easy."

Tears were running down Cora's face but it glowed. "You're alive; that's all that matters," she said.

Robert's head shot up. "How do we know? It could be… "

Cora looked stunned. Edith looked at her father incredulously, 'Papa?"

"Robert," Anthony gasped. "I realize this comes as a shock but…"

"You must have put her up to this," Robert accused. "You wanted to hurt us."

Anthony rose from his seat, his face set, anger boiling to the surface. "I would never… don't you want your daughter returned to you? Why the devil would I want to hurt you?" he hissed.

"Because… because we tried to …to keep you from her."

"Papa!" Edith exclaimed, standing beside Anthony, her hand seeking his. Her outburst surprised them all and her father blinked. "If you need proof then ask me something, anything that Edith would know."

"That really isn't necessary," Cora said as she rose to step toward her daughter. "Cora," Robert whispered as he moved next to her, "we must be sure."

Cora turned to look at him. "I am sure."

Edith saw the looks exchanged between her parents and knew that this could drive a rift between them, so she turned to her father. "Papa, do you remember that night before I went to London when I was sitting alone here in front of the fire? You came in and asked me what was wrong. You called me your darling girl and hugged me. Do you remember?"

Robert gasped, "oh my god, it's true. It is you; it is really you," he exclaimed as both he and Cora wrapped her in a warm embrace. Edith relished the warmth of her parents surrounding her. She had wondered how they would receive the news that she had survived. It seemed her worry was for naught.

Robert stepped away and left her with her mother's arm around her. Stepping toward Anthony, he smiled. "Thank you for bringing our Edith back to us, Anthony. I know she had the best of care but we will look after her now. I'm sure it has been rather upsetting to you and you need to grieve your wife. Edith is here with us now; you've delivered her safely."

Edith cringed at the obvious dismissal. She suspected Anthony was reeling as well, but it did not show in his demeanor. His jaw firmly set but a kind expression on his face, Anthony replied to her father.

"Thank you, Robert. But I have no intention of departing so quickly. As for my grief, it is done. I grieved Edith's death, not Helen's. But since Edith is restored to us, I am free of grief. My marriage to Helen was one of convenience and little else. My solicitor is already at work to rectify the misunderstanding over identities. I've asked Edith and she has agreed to marry me. Once the legalities are sorted, we will begin our life together… finally." His eyes shifted from Robert to Edith as he concluded, "And this time, I will not be dissuaded."

"What?" Robert asked ungraciously. Cora's hold on Edith loosened as she stepped toward her husband.

"Edith and I are engaged," Anthony said frankly. "Despite my unworthiness, she is convinced that I will make her happy and I will endeavor to do so until my dying breath."

"Are we to repeat this farce, Anthony? Wasn't the first go at it enough? You humiliated her and this family with your last minute departure. Do you really expect me to give my blessing a second time?"

Anthony's back stiffened and his jaw clenched as he looked down on Robert through crystal blue eyes. "I do not expect your blessing. Edith has forgiven my… mistake and we've discussed it all at length. I was planning to propose before the war until another member of this family intervened and mislead me. And after the war when I did propose and Edith accepted you and other members of the family made it quite clear that I wasn't suitable. I was already worried about the problems we might face but Edith wasn't worried at all. Still, I threw away a chance at happiness for us both. That will not happen again. I have promised Edith and I won't disappoint her again."

"I forbid it!" Robert fumed.

"I will marry Anthony, Papa," Edith said quietly but forcefully. "You can't stop me."

"Oh can't I?" he barked. "You're still recovering from the accident; you aren't in your right mind."

Anthony took an angry step toward Robert and Edith reached for him to stop him, but it was Cora who stepped between them. "Robert!" Robert blinked and looked at his wife. "Cora, I will not allow this…"

She cut him off. "You and your mother have interfered enough. We were all worried about the age difference and the long term consequences of his injury. But the two of you would not trust Edith to know her own mind, to consider those things when she made her decision. You are not the one who had to sit for hours with her to try to console her. I know how heartbroken she was, you could only ever assume that she was. And I watched as she tried to put herself back together. She made a good show of it but she didn't fool me, not one bit. She has been unhappy since the day you and your mother succeeded in chasing Anthony away. Now he is back and she still wants him and I will not allow your interference again."

"But Cora, he is too old!"

"Edith doesn't seem to think so," Cora insisted.

"She'll regret this; in ten years time, she'll regret it."

"No I won't, Papa," Edith interjected. She looked up at Anthony, who was still glaring at her father. He was as angry as Edith had ever seen him and she worried about what that might mean. "I love him; I have always loved him. We are so very good together and our ages really matter little."

Anthony looked down at her, his anger still apparent but his features softening as he gazed at her. His look was so intense that she was caught in it, their eyes locked, all thought unnecessary as their souls connected. But the connection was broken when Robert spoke again.

"As I said, you are still recovering. If after you are fully recovered, you wish to spend time with Anthony with the intention of making a decision, then I will not interfere."

"I've made my decision, Papa. I made it years ago and despite everything that has happened since, I have not changed my opinion."

"No, I will not allow it! Things have changed. You are not the same young girl you were then…"

"No, I'm not, Papa. But the difference in our ages didn't seem to matter to you then. I don't see why it should now. We will not wait. I want a life with Anthony and _I _will not wait."

Robert gasped. "You…" his eyes shifted from Edith to Anthony. "You've been at her, haven't you? You thought she was your wife; it would be understandable if you took her to your bed."

Anthony's mouth dropped open as he struggled to find words. "Not at all! When she was released from the hospital, she was not in any condition for… for that. And I did believe she was Helen and …"

Cora chose that moment to gasp. "Robert, Edith was identified as Lady Strallan because it was assumed the pregnant woman was the married one. No one could be certain but since she was pregnant…"

Robert frowned at his wife. "What?" he asked warily.

"I'm pregnant, Papa. They identified me as Helen because I am pregnant. Since Edith Crawley is single, they assumed it was Helen who was pregnant." Edith felt Anthony's hand on her back, lending support, and she leaned into him.

Robert stared at her aghast. "But… how can that be?" His eyes flashed from her to Anthony. "Did you…"

"No Papa, he did not!"

"Michael Gregson," Cora whispered.

Anthony's weight shifted beside Edith but his hand remained in place, something for which she was grateful. Robert jerked his head around to gape at his wife who was looking at Edith for confirmation. "Yes, the baby is Michael's," Edith confessed.

"The baby will be mine," Anthony said very quietly but powerfully in the midst of the chaos that seemed to be swirling around them. "Edith and I will marry as soon as possible and the baby will be mine. No one ever need know any differently."

Robert looked completely staggered, his face white and his eyes wide as he turned to look at his daughter and Anthony, standing in obvious unity. "You're marrying because Gregson hasn't returned?"

"We are marrying because we love each other," Edith insisted.

"But shouldn't we find Gregson? Surely he would make you happier than…"

Edith let out a huff of breath. "Michael Gregson is married; at least, I think he still is. He went to Germany to obtain a divorce so that we could marry. But even if he were to walk through that door a free man at this moment, I would still choose Anthony." She felt Anthony's reaction next to her, his tension and his relief at her declaration of whom she preferred. His hand squeezed at her waist as he pulled her tighter against him in perhaps the most possessive embrace he'd ever given her.

"Married?" her parents gasped in unison. Then, "I'll kill him," Robert said under his breath.

"He's likely already dead, Papa. But in any case, it no longer matters. I will be with Anthony. He has asked and I have accepted."

Robert stood mute for a long moment. Cora moved to her daughter, an inquisitive smile on her face and her eyes glowing. "You are very sure about this, aren't you?" she asked softly.

"I am, Mama."

Cora looked at Anthony. "And you? Are you certain this time?"

Anthony cleared his throat and twisted his head as he often did when he was uncomfortable. "I am. I can help Edith and her child. And I love her more than I have ever loved anyone." He hesitated and looked at Edith. "For some unfathomable reason she loves me and I do not intend to overlook that again… or ever take it for granted."

Cora smirked at his response. ""I'm sure you won't Anthony. I've always thought that despite the difference in ages, the two of you were right for one another. You bring out the best in her, Anthony. She has so much love to give; I'm glad that it is you who will be the recipient. "

Ever the gentleman, Anthony bowed his head to her slightly. "Thank you. You are right; she is capable of so much and has a very generous spirit. I am a fortunate man, indeed."

Edith felt her father's eyes on her and she looked in his direction. His expression was odd, not angry… almost far away. "Papa?"

His head jerked as his eyes settled on her. "I was just thinking of when you were a little girl. I had read you a story about Prince Charming and you declared that one day you would find him and marry him." Robert sighed and almost smiled at his daughter. "Is Anthony your Prince Charming, Edith?"

"Yes, oh yes… and so much more," she cried. "He's my prince and my white knight, the very best friend I've ever had, and … and he makes me feel…"

"I don't think I need to hear more," Robert interrupted. "I fear where this might be leading."

Edith smiled patiently. "I was going to say that he encourages me in a way that no one else ever has."

"Ah," Robert nodded. "Alright then, I shall support you in this. I know you were not seeking it, but I'll even give my blessing." Robert frowned and looked away for an instant before nodding at Anthony. "Wholeheartedly and without reservation," he told Anthony.

"Thank you," Anthony replied. "For Edith's sake, I am grateful."

"Will you stay to luncheon, Anthony?" Cora asked.

Anthony opened his mouth to speak but Edith was quicker. "Anthony's not leaving, Mama; not without me anyway." Three sets of shocked eyes turned to her. "Edith…" Anthony whispered.

"I can't sleep without you," she said shyly.

"I don't think I want to hear this," Robert growled.

"It isn't what you think, Papa. I was having horrible dreams and Anthony began to stay with me so that I could sleep. I … I haven't been able to sleep without him there since. But that is all that happens; we sleep."

"Do you really expect us to believe that?" Robert asked. Cora reached for his arm, her hand holding his forearm to quiet him.

"It is the truth," Anthony offered. "I won't deny that it has been….difficult at times, especially now that I know that it is Edith, but nothing… immoral has passed between us."

"Anthony, do you love my daughter?" Robert asked in amazement.

Bewildered he replied, "Yes, most decideldly."

"And you find her attractive?"

Looking at Edith, he smiled tenderly and seemed to melt before their eyes. "She is the loveliest creature I've ever met."

Then how the devil have you managed to not… do something immoral? I know that were I in a similar situation with Cora, I'd… well, my control would be questionable."

Anthony's crooked smile quirked and travelled up the side of his face even as it turned red. "It isn't easy but I love her and I will not disgrace her like that." The resolve in his voice was unmistakable.

"Still, I don't think it would be proper for her to stay at Locksley now that we know the truth of things."

"I agree," Anthony said easily.

"Do I have a say in this?" Edith demanded. "Because am not giving him up."

"Perhaps Anthony could be our guest, just until things can be sorted," Cora offered.

"And stay in my room?" Eidth asked hopefully.

"Certainly not!" Robert exclaimed.

Edith and Robert glared at one another as the tension in the room grew again. "Perhaps there might be a compromise?" Anthony offered.

All three looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Perhaps I might sit with Edith until she falls to sleep and then retire to a guest room for the remainder of the night."

Cora brightened. "I think that is a splendid idea."

"It is not!" Robert chided. After a sigh, his shoulders drooped slightly. "But I suppose it is the only solution. But the door will be left ajar until you leave, Anthony. And there will be no… "

"Thank you Papa," Edith said as she broke away from Anthony to throw her arms around her father's neck.

"Then perhaps I should return to Locksley to pack a few things and see to the management of the house. I'll return for tea?"

"Yes, that would be fine," Cora replied. "And in the meantime, Edith and I will begin to make plans…" Cora hooked her arm through her daughter's and walked her to the door, the two of them heading to the drawing room. Anthony bade Robert good-bye and left for Locksley. And Robert was left in the library, still reeling from everything that had just transpired.


	15. Chapter 15

"Now I want to hear all about it," Cora told her daughter. "I understand that everyone thought you were Helen Strallan and there were rumors that the marriage was not a happy one…"

"You knew he wasn't happy? How? I never heard a word about him after he left the church."

Cora smiled at Edith. "We tried to shield you. You were so upset. And then you and Mr. Gregson seemed to be getting along and we just didn't want anything to disturb that. But yes, there were rumors circulating after he returned with her."

"Did you know her?" Edith was curious.

"No, I didn't. Everyone was careful not to invite us and Sir Anthony to the same events; although, he was declining invitations anyway."

"He was very unhappy. He says he didn't marry for love and she grew bored with him, which only made things worse. Oh Mama, he was so angry at first, when he thought I was Helen. When the doctor told him I was pregnant, he thought I…well, Helen, had … well, been with someone else. He knew she wasn't true to him and suspected what her trips to London were really about. He said he'd have nothing to do with the baby."

"Oh dear…"

"But he changed, Mama. At first he hardly came to see me at the hospital but then he came more frequently and stayed longer. I thought he was falling in love with me…Helen, but then I realized that he wasn't. And then when my memory came back and I told him I am Edith, he… well, everything changed. He wants my baby. He says it will have his name and be his child. "

"But Edith, why in the world did you… were you with Michael Gregson? And do you still love Anthony? Really love him?"

"Oh I do Mama. I loved him all along but after he left I tried to ignore it. Michael made me feel wanted but he never made me feel the way Anthony does."

"You haven't… I mean, he did think you were his wife. He would have had every right to expect…"

"No, we haven't; but not because I didn't want to. I was still recovering, still am for that matter and Dr. Clarkson says I am not to overdo at all. In fact, I should lie down soon to rest. Anthony always ensures that I remember. But even though I am better now, he is insistent that we wait until we are married. But he does hold me at night, sometimes all night long. Some nights it is the only way I can sleep. Oh Mama, I do love him so very much."

"Then I am glad that fate has brought you together again. I'm sure any reservations your father still might have will disappear once he sees how Anthony cares for you. He just needs to calm down a little and think."

"Mama," Edith said warily. "Just before Mary's wedding, you said that when two people really love each other it could be great fun, the marital obligations, I mean."

"Yes and I meant it. Was your time with Mr. Greagson … unpleasant?" Cora was worried. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No, he didn't hurt me. It was pleasant but it wasn't what I would consider great fun either."

Cora frowned. "So what is it you are trying to ask me?"

"I'm not sure exactly. I just worry; perhaps, maybe there is something wrong with me that I didn't enjoy it more?"

"Or perhaps it was because you knew he wasn't really the one you wanted to be with. You know, he did remind me of Anthony in a way, something in his face. The coloring was all wrong, of course. But I wondered if that wasn't why you were attracted."

"It might have been," Edith admitted. "I do think I loved him."

"But not in the way you love Anthony…" Cora said as more of a statement than a question.

"No, I don't think I could ever love anyone the way I love him. Oh Mama, he just makes me feel… so many things. His maturity is one of the things that I like about him. It… I don't know how to explain but I feel more secure with him, even after everything. And we like so many of the same things and neither of us is quite in step with everyone else but in almost perfect step with each other. Oh Mama, I do hope you will be happy for me. All these years happiness has been just beyond my reach and now…" Edith was beaming as her eyes dipped demurely.

"And now, you have it firmly in your grasp," her mother finished for her.

"Not quite yet; we aren't married after all. But I can feel that this time it will happen."

"I am happy for you, my darling. Very happy. And to think, I will be a grandmamma once again. What are you hoping for?"

"Oh, I want a girl. It has to be a girl. And then I want to give Anthony a son. He says it doesn't matter, that he'd gotten past all that years ago but I know he wants a son to pass the title too. It isn't a title like Papa's but still…"

Cora smile and guffawed. "I've never thought that title was as important to Sir Anthony as it was to your Papa. I've always thought Anthony just yearned for happiness, as you have. And now you both shall have it!"

The two women hugged and were just parting when the door opened and Robert peeked in. "May I join in or is this conversation only for women?"

"Of course you can join us," Cora smiled, her voice teasing admonishment.

He crossed the room and sat in a chair next to Edith. "My darling girl, is marriage to Anthony what you really want?"

"Oh yes, Papa; it is, it really, really is."

"Alright then. I apologize for my harsh reaction to your news. It was just so much to take in at once. But if you are happy, then I am happy as well. I will warn you though; I cannot guess how your grandmother will react."

"I hope she accepts it…us. But I will not let her deter me," Edith said firmly. "And Anthony has already said she will not influence him in that way again."

"Right," Cora chimed in. "And now perhaps you should rest. It has been an eventful morning. Would you like me to send someone to help you?"

"No, I'll be fine." She could feel her parents watching her as she left the room.

Once she was gone, Cora turned to Robert. "Are you really alright with this?"

Robert took a deep breath and let a small smile work at the corner of his mouth. "I am. I'll admit I was taken aback at first. But we interfered once and look what has happened since. She has suffered so much unhappiness as a result. Yes, I believe I am truly happy… as long as she is happy. And marrying Anthony will solve a very large problem that is sure to arise as the months pass."

"Good."

Robert looked at his wife, his eyes dancing. "So we are to be grandparents again?"

"We are. And she is hoping for a girl. Be warned, she hopes for a boy sometime in the future."

"Let's hope Anthony is ready for the task."

Cora flashed a teasing smile. "He's no older than you and you're up to it, if last night was a clue."

"Ah, but I had such tantalizing inspiration," he smiled back.

* * *

I hope things are progressing to your satisfaction ;-)


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